tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82279971107445379492024-02-20T03:46:03.827-08:00Yourself In Five YearsNatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.comBlogger110125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-77678894552466743572009-05-13T17:35:00.000-07:002009-05-13T18:46:46.768-07:00Life Imitates BlogWell hello there. I told you I was going to blog more this week. Twice in one week > no times in two weeks. Unfortunately I've only left the house once in the past 72 hours. I've gone for a couple of runs, but that doesn't really count. Although I did see a lady on the trail walking her birds. While they were in their cages. That's probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">blogworthy</span>. Maybe next time. Anyway, my hermit lifestyle (Kate is traveling this week) makes it very difficult to find material for a 'random stuff that happens in the day' blog. But lucky for you I did leave the house yesterday to buy oatmeal and dishwasher detergent. And even luckier for you, I went during peak hours at the grocery store, so I had plenty of time to read (or scan the cover) of Us Weekly.<div><br /></div><div>It has been well documented that I love celebrity gossip as much as the next girl. I have even developed a trustworthiness hierarchy for my celebrity gossip. For print gossip, it goes something like this:</div><div><br /></div><div>National Enquirer - Most likely not true, but who doesn't love pictures of 200lb babies?</div><div>OK/Star - 20% Chance for Truth</div><div>Us Weekly and People - Some truth to whatever they are saying</div><div>Time/Newsweek/Other Grown Up Magazines - Probably accurate, but only going to read it at a doctors office or when I'm visiting my parents.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most of my online sources (Perez, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">TMZ</span>) probably fall into the same category as OK/Star. </div><div><br /></div><div>So while I was buying my oats and Cascade, I had some extra time to read the cover of Us Weekly. The cover story was something about Jon from Jon and Kate Plus Eight allegedly having an affair. Long time readers will remember a post that I did about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">spinoffs</span> for reality shows. I think the one that I came up for Jon and Kate Plus Eight was going to be Jon Minus Nine - where it was him running away from his wife who clearly hates him, and sitting alone in a dark one bedroom apartment. Based on the fact that this story has gone up the gossip magazine food chain from the OK/Star level to the Us Weekly level, I feel like my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">spinoff</span> might become a reality show reality (hence the post title). Does that make me a prophet or just someone who watches too much reality television?</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, when Kate called me today, the majority of our phone conversation was about Jon Minus Nine. She also asked me about Gilbert and whether or not I have been bathing since she left. Then we started talking about all of the other reality show couples that didn't end so well. There was a streak there a few years back when everyone who had an MTV reality show ended up divorced..</div><div><br /></div><div>Nick and Jessica on Newlyweds - Great while it lasted. Everyone loves a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">train wreck</span>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Travis and Shanna on Meet the Barkers - I met them, then they got divorced.</div><div><br /></div><div>Carmen <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Elektra</span> and Dave Navarro on Til Death Do Us Part - Probably not the best title.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that doesn't even count the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Osbournes</span>. I'm pretty sure Ozzy had an affair with Charles Shaw for during season 3.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I'm not sure if the story with Jon and Kate is true or not. I'll have to wait and see if it shows up in a grown up magazine. And for that, I'll have to wait until I go to visit my parents or go to a Barnes and Noble. All I know is that Kate and I decided not to have a reality show about our marriage. This blog will have to do.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com98tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-6454463538627000862009-05-11T15:53:00.000-07:002009-05-11T17:00:48.173-07:00Don't Call it a ComebackHi Friends,<div><br /></div><div>I have to apologize. I have been neglecting you. 2 weeks without posting is not cool. Not cool at all. My blogging friends sometimes say that their blog is like their baby, and it needs constant attention. Apparently I think this blog is like a cat, and I can just throw some food out and go on vacation. 2 weeks is even long by cat standards. But then again, I don't really like cats, so there you go. I'll try to do better now. Maybe something like three posts a week. We'll see how that goes.</div><div><br /></div><div>I should have a couple posts lined up in my head. I just got back from a road trip to Tampa. For those of you who aren't so good with geography, Tampa and Charlotte are not very close to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">each other</span>. I drove about 19 hours this weekend. By myself. In addition to singing along with every Taylor Swift song and watching the televisions in the minivans in front of me, I probably came up with a few things that are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">YIFY</span>-worthy. The first one should be pretty easy...</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Why did I drive 19 hours this weekend?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div>It was my friend Natalie's 30<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> birthday. Natalie is one of our really good friends from when we lived in Jacksonville. Her husband Joe threw her a party, so that's what I was doing down there. And if you're wondering why the unnecessary name-dropping - Natalie told me that she likes it when she and Joe are featured on the blog, so there ya go.</div><div><br /></div><div>But 30 is a big deal. Maybe it's just because I am fast-approaching my own 30<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span>, but it seems like it is worth a long drive. I also drove back to Indianapolis for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">RJ's</span> birthday, so this isn't a first time thing for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not going to lie. One of the reasons why I made the drive is because I got an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Evite</span>. I don't know what it is about those things, but I just can't say no. It doesn't matter where it is or what it is. If there is an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Evite</span>, I am probably going to show up. So from Columbia to Hilton Head, I came up with my reasons why I respond 'yes' to 98% of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Evites</span> that I receive.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1. It shows some level of effort.</span> If someone takes the time to send out an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Evite</span>, it means there is almost no chance that the party is going to fall through. I have yet to have an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Evite</span> party cancelled. Also, if they put in the required effort to send out the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Evite</span>, there is a high probability that the other necessary party plans will receive attention. The food is usually better, the games more enjoyable, and the beer more plentiful when there is an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Evite</span> - as opposed to parties that rely on word of mouth or random email invite. This was certainly the case at Natalie's party - there were steak tacos, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">cornhole</span>, and even leftover beer at the end of the night.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2. You can screen the potential guest list and make an informed decision.</span> So if you don't like a particular friend of the host, then you can wait to see if s/he is invited/accepts before making your decision. In most cases, said person is a non-responder, or responds with maybe. Then it's sort of a judgement call, but it's still nice to know the guest list before committing. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3. There just isn't really a good way to respond no</span>. I think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Evite</span> responses should be 5 words or less. Anything more than that, you're either going into too much detail about why you can't come, you're trying too hard to be funny, or you're responding with some inside joke that most of the other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Evitees</span> aren't going to understand. Keeping a yes response to five words or less is pretty easy. I usually stick with "looking forward to it" or "wouldn't miss it." Nothing too original or creative, but it gets the point across. It's more difficult with 'no' responses - so maybe that's why I can't decline an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Evite</span>. The most common no response (As I approach 30) is something like "sorry, got the kids" or something like that. Which is basically another way of saying "attending your party is not worth the cost of a babysitter to me." Other people frequently respond with their other plans. Something like "sorry we can't make it, it's date night with me and (insert spouse name)." I don't know if it's because they want to 'prove' that they have other plans, or just think that the only person who can read the response is the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Eviter</span>. And if you just respond with something like "sorry...can't make it" you just sound like a dick. This is what goes through my head every time I get an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Evite</span>. I can't say no because I don't think there's a good way to say no. </div><div><br /></div><div>And don't even get me started on the 'maybe' response option. Maybe can only mean one of two things:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. I might show up if nothing better comes up between now and then</div><div>2. I can't think of a good excuse right now</div><div><br /></div><div>So there you go. It was a pretty long drive, so I should have more to write about later this week. I won't treat you guys like cats anymore. Unless I find a laser pointer. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-19267478936295839272009-04-24T11:53:00.000-07:002009-04-24T11:57:32.864-07:00This Week In Blogs, Volume VHey - this week's roundup is posted on my new blog: <a href="http://www.theblogstalker.com/">http://www.theblogstalker.com/</a>. So go check it out, and add that blog to your RSS Feeds, or Google reader, or whatever the kids are doing these days.<div><br /></div><div>YIFY Fans Not Interested in Food Blogs: We will return to your regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. Or whenever I get around to thinking of something somewhat funny. YIFY will not go away, just the food blog content that has been dominating this blog for the last month or so.</div><div><br /></div><div>That is all. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-65369062238071489722009-04-17T07:37:00.000-07:002009-04-17T11:22:50.292-07:00This Week in Blogs, Volume IV<p class="MsoNormal">Hi Everyone. Welcome to the fourth and final edition of the food blog roundup. It’s not the last one ever, just the last one on this blog. The new blog should be ready to go next week. I could’ve had it ready to go this week, but I had to watch The Masters all weekend, then I was sick, then it was my birthday, and then I had to catch up and read all of the blogs. So hopefully I’ll get around to it in time for next week. I’ll keep y’all posted. I think it has been an excited week in blogworld. There have been fires, free Garmins, and most importantly, my birthday. Sadly, my mailbox was blondie-free on my 29<sup>th</sup>. Alright, enough about that. Here. We. Go. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mara at <a href="http://www.imadedinner.net/">What’s for Dinner</a> had a busy week. The week started with a nice post for her fiance’s birthday. Yes, I realize that there is an accent mark at some point in that word, but I don’t feel like digging around for special characters in the blogger editor. Anyway, it was a somewhat sappy but nice ode to fiance. My only criticism is that she used the phrase “my stomach flipped with joy.” Now while this might be accurate, when ‘stomach ‘and ‘flip’ are used together, I just start thinking about the end of Marley and Me (both book and movie). And then I think of the 100+ people openly sobbing around me when we were at the theatre. So I don’t really know how Mara’s fiance love post ends because I started thinking about Marley and got <a href="http://yourselfinfiveyears.blogspot.com/2008/12/spoiler-alert.html">distracted</a>. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Mara also had a blogger playdate with Jenn from <a href="http://eatingbender.wordpress.com/">Eating Bender</a>. It was an action-packed date, filled with everything that a food blogger meet-up should include: overpriced organic grocery store, uncooked Asian foods, specialty cooking stores, and ice cream. I bet there’s a lot of pressure when two food bloggers meet for the first time. If I was the food blogger responsible for coming up with the agenda, I think I’d probably just schedule a bunch of out of character activities. Well, out of character for healthy food bloggers, at least. I’d use a theme, like ‘buckets.’ My Chicago food blog meet up would probably start in one of the neighborhoods around U.S. Cellular Field. We'd make enough wrong turns that we would end up near a Harold's Chicken and enjoy a bucket of legs, wings, thighs, and grease. Then we'd head south for a couple buckets of beers at Bourbon Street on 115<sup>th</sup>, and then downtown for a big Bucket of Garrett’s Carmel and Cheese Popcorn.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It would probably be our last meeting and the pictures wouldn’t make the interweb. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Speaking of <a href="http://eatingbender.wordpress.com/">Eating Bender</a>, I was going to devote an entire paragraph to Jen, but then I noticed that she’s doing the P90X workout. If she is able to make it through one session of that, then she can officially kick my ass, so I’m going to watch what I say. For those of you that don’t know what P90X is, apparently you don’t have cable or sleeping issues. It’s a workout program that only advertises on basic cable between 2:00-6:00 AM. I feel sore after watching one of the infomercials. It looks like Level XIV of Jillian’s 30 Day Shred, and the ‘after’ spokespeople look like Brad Pitt in fight club. Good luck with that.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/">Caitlin Tipping Point</a> (seems easier than writing out Caitlin, at The Healthy Tipping Point) had some excitement this week when her apartment complex caught on fire. My only critique of this is that there was only one post devoted to The Great Fire of 2009. It was comprehensive coverage within that post, but I would’ve dragged it out over a few days. It was sort of like in the last season of The O.C. when Marissa Cooper started hooking up with the chick that’s now playing 13 on House. There was one episode of The O.C. devoted to their torrid love affair, and then by the next episode Marissa was back to dating Ryan Atwood and hating her mother. Or am I the only one who compares food blogs to Teen Drama plot lines? All I’m saying is that you missed an opportunity to turn this into fire prevention week on HTP, with instructional videos for fire extinguisher usage, and more pictures of the dreamy firefighters. Also, I’m not really a black helicopter guy, but I find it quite a coincidence that there was a fire at the apartment during the same week that Caitlin announced her running hiatus. I’m just saying that maybe someone in the running industry might not be happy about this decision and may have had something to do with the fire. Because ‘fire’ is the #2 cause of spontaneous running, just behind ‘someone chasing you.’ </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Am I the only one that’s a little jealous of all of the free stuff that <a href="http://www.katheats.com/">Kath</a> gets? She got a freaking Garmin? Kath is my friend so I should be happy for her (and I should realize that maybe I can borrow some of her free stuff sometime) but I want to understand the secret to getting free stuff. I mean, this blog is read by literally DOZENS of people every week, but I guess that isn’t enough. So far I've got</p><p class="MsoNormal">Step 1: Create Blog<br />Step 2:<br />Step 3: Free Stuff<br /><br />Maybe I should drop some subtle hints…</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The check engine light is on in my Toyota Highlander. I just love my Highlander and I hear that the new Hybrid model is fantastic. I sure would like to drive one of those. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Or</p> <p class="MsoNormal">My Kenmore washing machine is one of my favorite appliances, but the spin cycle seems to be acting up. I’m just not sure where I could find a replacement.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If I haven’t made this clear yet, let me say one more time: I am willing to sell out this blog (and my new blog) for free stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ll take almost anything. Except maybe the WWII era cereal that Kath got this week, with the picture of a kid that looks like a cross between Ralphie’s little brother in A Christmas Story and one of the Children of the Corn kids. I don’t think I could eat breakfast <a href="http://www.katheats.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/img-46391024x768.jpg">with this kid staring at me. </a></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Alright, back to the blog review now</p> <p class="MsoNormal">There was some excitement on <a href="http://www.hangrypants.com/">Hangry Pants</a> this week. There was finally a ‘he said’ post! For those who do not read Hangry, each post starts with either “He Says” or “She Says” depending on who is the author of the post. Sort of a clever idea for a shared male/female shared blog. Only problem is that there isn’t an even balance between he says and she says. Specifically, we’ve gone entire weeks recently without a single he says post. So going to the blog and looking for a “he says” post is sort of like Where’s Waldo or one of those magic eye posters. You know, those things that you stare at for 30 seconds and then you see a panda that says I love you emerge from the trippy design.. Now I know that Daddy is very busy at work, but we stay up late to wait for him to come home, and then he doesn’t talk to us kids out in blogland. We need more "he says" posts – the last one introduced me to new salad toppings, including Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and Honey Wheat Kix. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That is food blog gold, and I want more.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Diana at <a href="http://thechiclife.typepad.com/">The Chic Life</a> broke the all time food blog record of excessive use of the word ‘sammy.’ Now there has been some discussion and debate on the correct spelling (is it Sammie or Sammy). My official answer is that it is neither, as the word should not be used. Ever. Problem solved.. Now Diana is a friend and loyal reader. She knows how I feel about the use of the word Sammy. Yet she managed to use Sammy four times in one post. And it’s not like she was describing four different sandwiches – it was just one sandwich. And this isn’t the first time. I did a quick control + F and found no less than 13 instances of Sammy on one page of The Chic Life. And I double checked, and none of them were about Sammy Davis Jr. or Sammy Hagar. Diana, we need to talk about this. We might just turn my birthday party tonight into a Sammy usage intervention for you. All of your blogging friends and family will be here to help you through this.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh, and to fill out our list of places that spinach should not be:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">3. Pancakes<br />4. Brownies</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Thanks to Heather (from <a href="http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/">Heat the Salmon Butt</a>) and Jennifer (from Blogger Profile Not Available Error Page) for submitting these winning entries. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Up</span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Salad Challenge</span> – I was going to participate until I found out that chicken salad, taco salad, and potato salad would not count as my daily salad.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Getting Free Stuff from Companies</span> – Unless you are me.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"> Soups that look like baby food </span>- bleh</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"> Obscure Nut Butters</span> – I don’t think there are any nuts left that have not been made into a peanut butter substitute. Also, 'Obscure Nut Butters' would be an awesome band name<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Peep Art and Peep Consumption</span> – Peep Utilization in food blogs was up almost 24% from last year</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Down</span><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Cooked Food</span> (or whatever the opposite of ‘raw’ is) – This means that natural gas and electricity are both stock down this week<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Cadbury Cream Eggs</span> – I looked at least 50 food blogs on Sunday and didn’t see a single one. I saw lots of Cadbury mini eggs, but not their goo filled big brother. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Pirate Attacks</span> – Although I don’t want to call them <a href="http://yourselfinfiveyears.blogspot.com/2009/04/pirates.html">Pirates</a><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Alright. That’s all for this week. I’ll put next week’s post here and on the new blog. Let me know if there are any blogs that y’all want me to talk about. I gotta get going. Only a few hours until My SpongeBob Birthday Party/Diana’s Sammy Intervention. Talk to you later.</p>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-47013120802299415592009-04-16T12:54:00.000-07:002009-04-16T18:11:47.714-07:00Happy Birthday to Me!Hello, and greetings from a man in his late, late, late 20s. Today is my 29<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> birthday. It's not really a landmark birthday, but leaves me 365 days in my 20s. I'm going to talk about birthdays a bit today. I don't really have any major theme or thesis, so this is probably going to come off like an Andy Rooney segment on 60 Minutes. Just picture me with really bushy eyebrows.<div><br /></div><div> I just thought about it, and in about two months, my 'days alive' will pass my 'days left on mortgage'. I should celebrate that day.</div><div><br /></div><div>I always had fun birthday parties growing up. Since my dad was a P.E. Teacher, he could just unlock the gym and the party would be pizza on the gym floor, then dunking basketballs off of mini trampolines. That's a pretty awesome birthday party for a 10 year old.</div><div><br /></div><div>Having an April birthday was always pretty good. It happened during the school year, which is a plus. I was so happy I wasn't one of the summer birthday kids that had to do the group birthday celebration during the last week of school. I also always felt sorry for the kids who had birthdays over Christmas break. Not only did they get shafted in terms of parties, but also I'm sure that Uncles and Aunts probably went with the one gift for two events method. Poor kids. The only downside of an April birthday is that every so often your birthday falls on Easter which makes it difficult to get pizza and beer.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've had to travel for work on my birthday the last few years. I decided that I wasn't going to do that this year. I also took it one step further and made my work schedule today more 'birthday-friendly.' I just strategically scheduled calls and meetings that I knew would be enjoyable for today, and pushed others to tomorrow. Because Dammit, it's my birthday. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's been a good birthday so far. I talked to my parents this morning. Kate and I had an extended breakfast with good oatmeal and good discussion of blogs and the Today Show. Then Gilbert and I had a good walk.Work was good.. I mowed my lawn during my lunch break. Thanks to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Facebook</span>, lots of people that I haven't talked to in many years wished me a happy birthday, so I feel more popular. I went for a run after work. Then we went to a beer tasting with our friends.Now I'm watching The Office and drinking a beer. This has been a pretty fantastic day by my standards.</div><div><br /></div><div>And it doesn't end today. Kate had a pretty brilliant idea. Since I act like a 10 year old boy sometimes, we're having a little kid birthday party tomorrow. It is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">SpongeBob</span> themed. There are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">SpongeBob</span> invitations. We have the paper cone hats and party favors, and cupcakes. It's just like a little kid birthday party. Except there will also be drinking games. I have a dream that the 'little kid birthday party' will catch on in the same way that the 'ugly holiday sweater' party has caught on in recent years. We might take pictures, but this is a picture-free blog, but maybe other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">bloggers</span> will post pictures of the event.</div><div><br /></div><div>So there's my birthday post. Sorry for the unconnected thoughts. I probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">could've</span> spent more time on this one, but it's my birthday. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-64705777968360241572009-04-14T17:20:00.001-07:002009-04-14T18:11:59.356-07:00Pirates?Hi Everyone. Sorry for the delay. I actually have a good excuse this time. I've been pretty sick for the last few days. I've been trying to self diagnose on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">WebMD</span> since Friday. I've narrowed it down to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">SARS</span>, Bird Flu, or Mad Cow. I was going to pick one of those three, but then I started feeling better. At least I think I'm feeling better, because Kate is no longer:<div><br /></div><div>A: Calling me Typhoid Mary </div><div>B:Banishing me to the bonus room above the garage </div><div>C: Wearing one of our construction masks when she comes up to talk to me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Since none of those things are happening anymore, I must be healthy enough to blog. </div><div><br /></div><div>Since I've been confined to my bonus room bubble for the past three days, I've had plenty of time to watch television. Huge surprise, right? Anyway, my television viewing - from CNN to the Today Show - has been saturated with coverage of this Somali Pirate standoff. Now don't get me wrong, it was a great story. It was almost like an episode of 24. Except that it went on for like three days, so I guess it was more like three seasons of 24. Anyway, the one thing that bothers me is the use of the title 'pirate.' I've read the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">definition</span> of pirate, and it is technically accurate in this situation. The problem is that I've got a list of things that I think of in my head when I hear the word pirate, and none of the hundred or so things that I think of is remotely close to a 2009 Somali man with guns and a a cell phone and a boat with an engine. Here are some of the things that enter my head when I hear the word pirate:</div><div><br /></div><div>In no particular order...</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1. Traits/Attributes</span>: Wooden leg, birds on shoulders, hooks for hands, curly mustaches, incoherent accents, gold, treasure chests, there are others that fit here. I think Kate mentioned vitamin deficient diets and women in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">puffy</span> dresses when we discussed this topic this evening. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2. Pop Culture References</span>: Disney World, Johnny <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Depp</span>, Orlando Bloom (so dreamy), Spiced Rum, Paula Dean's husband, some musical from junior year of high school, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Rufio</span> from Hook.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Question for the Group</span> - Were <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Rufio</span> and the rest of the lost boys in Hook/Peter Pan technically pirates or mini pirates in training? If not, why do I always think about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Rufio</span> when people talk about pirates?</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Clarification</span> - Trust me - Paula Dean's husband sort of looks like a pirate. If you catch one of the 'Paula Cooks with the Family' episodes, you'll totally know what I'm talking about.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Goonies</span> References</span> - I know that these could probably roll up into the 'pop culture' category, but there are literally dozens of them, so I think they get their own category. So when someone talks about pirates, I think about: Chunk, One-Eyed Willy, Ma <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Fratelli</span>, Fifty Dollar Bills, Mouth's Soliloquy in the Wishing Well, Mikey's Marble Bag, Rocky Road, the Truffle Shuffle, Hey You Guys, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Rosalita</span>, and Chester <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Copperpot</span> (to name a few).</div><div><br /></div><div>So clearly I have enough mental images of pirates. I don't need these modern day <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Somali</span> guys jumping into my brain and pushing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Rufio</span> and Paula Dean's husband back. So we need to come up with something else other than pirates to call these jackasses. I don't have all of the answers here, but I've given it some thought. Here's what I thought about on my run today. And yes, I'm now healthy enough to run again, which rules out <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">SARS</span>:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Boat <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Stealers</span></span> - A little too easy and doesn't really account for all of the people on board or the size of the ship.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Boatjackers</span></span> - I like using <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">jackers</span> - it modernizes it like carjackers and hijackers, but boat isn't quite right.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Shipjackers</span></span> - Close, but not quite. And what if it is technically a boat and not a ship.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Vesseljackers</span></span> - It's perfect! It uses '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">jackers</span>' when sounds more serious than robber, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">thief</span> or stealer. Also, when you combine vessel and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">jacker</span>, it sounds pretty inappropriate. So it'll make me smile and laugh when Brian Williams and Matt <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Lauer</span> talk about it, even though it's a very serious situation.</div><div><br /></div><div>So there you go. They will now be known as Somali <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">VesselJackers</span>. Please adjust your water cooler discussions accordingly. Come to think of it, that's another term we need to change. Nobody really stands around a water cooler anymore, right? Another day.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-78805404153433235592009-04-10T11:34:00.000-07:002009-04-10T13:30:22.064-07:00This Week In Blogs, Volume III<div>Hi Everyone. Welcome to week 3 of the food blog review. Hopefully just one more post on this blog and then I’ll have a new one ready to go.</div><div> </div><div>I have to confess that I didn’t spend too much time reading food blogs this week. Well, that’s sort of a lie…I didn’t spend as much time as I usually do reading food blogs this week (still would probably qualify as ‘too much’ depending on who you ask). So this week I relied on my lovely assistant, Kate, to take some blog notes for me. Here’s how it worked-Kate would scribble something down that said “Heather Spinach Oats” and then I would have to decipher what that means and come up with something funny to write about it. Her notes sort of remind me of Russell Crowe’s crazy thoughts and paper scraps during ‘A Beautiful Mind.’ Here. We. Go. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was a very exciting week for Tina at <a href="http://carrotsncake.com/">Carrots ‘n’ Cake</a>. Tina caught Mr. Mal eating Wendy’s in their apartment. Judging by the picture and my knowledge of the Wendy’s value menu, it looks like Mal went with the 5 piece chicken nugget, a junior bacon cheeseburger, and medium fries. Some excellent choices for sure. Unfortunately Mal made some poor decisions with the consumption strategy. First of all, you just can’t bring the food home. At home you have to worry about disposing of the evidence, as well the fast food smell that will linger for at least 24 hours. I’d recommend eating in the car. Now if you must eat at home, then I suggest adding a large chili to your order, which would make clean-up a little easier. You could stick the Nugget holder in the fries holder. The paper wrapper from the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger will fit in the nugget holder, and then the holders will fit nicely in the empty Chili container. You put the lid back on and then you’re good to go. Then even if you get busted and someone spots the evidence in the trash can, all she’ll see is the Chili cup, which isn’t so bad. Not that I’ve ever done that before, but I have a feeling that might work.</div><div><br /></div><div>Heather at <a href="http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/">Heather Eats Almond Butter</a> is getting a little carried away with the oatmeal toppings. Avocado? Raw Spinach? I just don’t think I can support these toppings in oats. This recent proliferation of spinach usage in the food blog world is reaching epidemic proportions. I’ve come up with the follow chart to assist food bloggers who aren’t sure when or where they should use spinach.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Places Where Spinach Should Be:</span></div><div>1. In a salad</div><div>2. In a dip with artichokes and cheese. Ideally at a casual dining establishment, complimented with pita chips and a large beer</div><div>3. At the grocery store</div><div>4. In a tin can in Popeye’s hand. So he can squeeze it into his mouth and get big and strong.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Places Where Spinach Should NOT Be:</span></div><div>1. In Smoothies</div><div>2. In Oatmeal</div><div>3.</div><div>4.</div><div><br /></div><div>Spots 3 and 4 are reserved for next week. I’m sure someone will try to put spinach into something new. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don’t think I can talk about spinach in oatmeal anymore without losing my appetite, so I’m going to change the topic now... </div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that I like to do for fun is to see how many words I can spell with Heather's URL (www.heathereatsalmondbutter.com) without rearranging the letters. Here’s what I’ve got so far:</div><div><br /></div><div>First there are the easy ones: Heather, eats, almond, butter. </div><div><br /></div><div>But if you look closely, you’ll also see: wheat, heat, heath, at, the, there, salmon, alm, but, and butt.</div><div><br /></div><div>So if we just removed a few letters, it could actually be “Heat The Salmon Butt” which would be a pretty awesome blog name. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://graduatemeghann.com/">Graduate Meghann</a> held her online blogging bake sale this week. Now I know it was for a good cause or whatever, but I gotta say, those better be some damn good baked goods. When there were bake sales at my elementary school, I could get a couple cookies for a quarter or fifty cents. Whoa, that just made me sound really old, didn’t it? Like some kind of “back in my day” story from Grandpa Simpson or anyone over the age of 80 talking about walking in the snow (uphill both ways). Also, the legacy of the YIFY blog roundup is now complete, now that Derek’s 'Easter Bunny' label seems to have stuck. Better yet, he has gone from being THE Easter Bunny, to MY Easter Bunny. My work here is done. Oh, and <a href="http://veggiegirlvegan.blogspot.com/">VeggieGirl’s</a> blondies went for $85/batch. Just think how much I could’ve driven up the bidding if only I would’ve received some samples. </div><div><br /></div><div>Get ready for it…here’s the first ever discussion of a non food blog. My friend <a href="http://www.pinqueblog.com/">Pinque</a> is having her first every blog giveaway. She thinks her blog name is pronounced “Pink” but I’ve decided that it is ‘Pinky’ so that’s what I call her now. I’d like this nickname to stick, so if you comment on her blog, please start each comment by saying “Dear Pinky”. Thank you for your support. Anyway, Pinky is giving away a Vera Bradley purse. If you want to win, you better go register. If you’re reading this on Saturday or later, then you already missed it. But you should still go visit Pinky’s blog. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here’s my commentary on Vera Bradley. Kate had a stretch from 2005-2007 when she was convinced that she liked Vera Bradley stuff, but not enough to actually buy something. So for two years, every time we saw a store that sold Vera Bradley stuff, we had to stop so she could look at the exact same purses that she looked at last time. So I made at least 150 visits to a Vera Bradley retailer without a single purchase. Now I knew that she didn’t really like Vera Bradley stuff enough that she’d actually carry one of their purses, but I really, really didn’t want to ever go into another store. So I bought her the one for Christmas, knowing that she wouldn’t like it and would probably return it. That is exactly what happened. I haven’t had to go into another Vera Bradley store since. I consider this one of my finest moments. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.katheats.com/">Kath</a> reported yesterday that she contacted the tempeh people and that they confirmed that tempeh is safe to eat raw. Well that’s great, but she offered me raw tempeh two weeks ago. And there was no warning like “I’m not sure if this is safe to eat or not.” </div><div><br /></div><div>So I guess there were two steps in finding out if tempeh is safe to eat raw:</div><div><br /></div><div>1.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Feed it to Nate and see if he dies</div><div>2.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Email the company and ask them</div><div><br /></div><div>Am I wrong for thinking that we should switch those two steps around?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Up</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Wishing VeggieGirl a happy birthday</span>. Were there any food blogs that did NOT give VeggieGirl a happy 21st? My birthday is next Thursday and I’m expecting the same level of bloglove</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Raising Money for Charity. </span>Between Meghann’s bake sale, Zesty’s shirts, and Jenna’s cookbook, the blogworld is really coming together – sort of “We are the world” style. So I think I should do my part. For every dozen baked goods that you send to my house, at least six will be donated to a local charity. I think we all know where the other six are going to go. Now if only Zesty’s shirt had a picture of his glorious bald head on it…</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Foodbuzz Ads with Pictures of Chocolate</span>. This one is a complete mixed signal. I mean the food blog is all about Kombucha and Spinach and FlaxWheySoyTempeh whatever, but then there’s an advertisement for chocolate. I’m confused. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Down </span></div><div>Actually couldn’t think of any stock down this week, so I replaced it with the following segment…</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog Names that Sort of Sound Like Porn</span></div><div><a href="http://meghantelpnerblog.com/">Making Love in the Kitchen</a></div><div><a href="http://talesofexpansion.wordpress.com/">Tales of Expansion</a></div><div><a href="http://applesntwigs.blogspot.com/">Apples and Twigs</a></div><div><a href="http://www.creampuffsinvenice.ca/">Cream Puffs in Venice</a></div><div><a href="http://letsgetsconed.blogspot.com/">Get Sconed</a></div><div><a href="http://inapickleandajam.blogspot.com/">In a Pickle and a Jam</a></div><div><a href="http://jesslikesithot.wordpress.com/">Jess Likes it Hot</a></div><div><a href="http://lovinmytummy.wordpress.com/">LovIN My Tummy</a></div><div><a href="http://rawmom.blogspot.com/">Raw Mom – Raw Love</a></div><div><a href="http://www.thefoodsex.com/">The Food Sex</a></div><div><a href="http://lichtyfamilyblog.blogspot.com/">Two Peas and Their Pod</a></div><div><br /></div><div>That’s all for this week. I wanted to write about <a href="http://thechiclife.typepad.com/">The Chic Life</a>, <a href="http://www.hangrypants.com/">Hangry Pants</a> and <a href="http://eatingbender.wordpress.com">Eating Bender</a>, but I went on too many tangents so those will be in next week’s roundup for sure. We’ll do better next time</div><div><br /></div><div>P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VEGGIE GIRL!!!! :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-55712686697893389282009-04-07T19:23:00.000-07:002009-04-07T20:01:27.051-07:00Play Ball!Hi Friends. Welcome to the first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">YIFY</span> post that I have ever written out by hand prior to typing. I'm writing this from 30,000 feet on my way from Charlotte to Boston. By the time I post this (and you read this) I'll be in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Beantown</span>. I'm going there for work, but today just happens to be the first day of the baseball season for the Boston Red <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Sox</span>. So as soon as I get off of this plane, I'm heading to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Fenway</span> Park and should make it just in time for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">first pitch</span>. Forgive me if you aren't a sports fan, but I figured since I'm going to a baseball game in a couple of hours I'd write the first sports-related <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">YIFY</span> post about our national pastime. <div><br /></div><div>It's hard to believe that this is my first <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">YIFY</span> sports post because sports have always been a big part of my life. My dad was a P.E. and Health teacher, so I always played sports. Growing up I played pretty much every sport. I landed on golf as the one sport that I would play competitively in high school and college. I don't really know if that's because of natural talent or because I outgrew (width-wise) every other sport by the time I was a junior in high school.</div><div><br /></div><div>Even though I stopped playing baseball competitively long ago I've always loved watching the game. So the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">official</span> opening <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">night</span> of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">baseball</span> season was on Sunday. I made a date with my television to watch the game. Kate looked up from her monitor's warm glow to ask "Why do you like this stupid game?" So I decided to give it a little thought. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">I like the number</span>s. Baseball is all about numbers and math. My Rain Man-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">esque</span> h<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">abit</span> of counting pretty much everything works well with baseball. Sure there are stats in every other sport, but baseball is by far the most stats-obsessed sport. They continue to make them up.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">It puts on a great live show</span>. Just like there are bands that suck live, there are also sports that are fun to watch on TV but are lame in person. Baseball is great in person because it is played outdoors, played in the summer when it's nice to be outdoors, allows for public drinking, and has super passionate fans. I'm about to go to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Fenway</span> and I'll be surrounded by 20,000 people who <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">could've</span> easily been cast as "drunk Boston guy #4" in Good Will Hunting and I can't wait. Whenever I travel to a city for work in the Spring/Summer, I always check the schedule and try to catch a game.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">There's a paternal/nostalgic quality to the game</span>. Maybe it's a guy thing, but when you're sitting in the stands for three hours, it's impossible not to think of playing catch with your dad or going to a game. How else can you explain that I still cheer for the Cincinnati Reds? I've never lived in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Cincy</span> and there were always teams that were closer to our house, but my dad was a Reds fan, so I am too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Baseball absolutely has its flaws. I might have to take out a second mortgage for a ticket tonight, the game lasts a really long time (at least one Oklahoma! in most cases), and the players seem to have a penchant for sticking needles in their ass so they can hit the ball farther. I tend to overlook these flaws and focus on the positives which is so not me.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I guess this is my public service announcement post. Try to get to a baseball game this summer. Whether it is major league, minor league, or your nephew's Tee Ball <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">game</span>. Give it a shot. If nothing else, you can drink a beer and work on your tan. Although drinking at a tee ball game probably isn't a good idea.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note</span>: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Sox</span> won 5-3. Just a typical game. There will be 161 more this year, but I'm going to remember this one for a long time. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and I really need to work on my handwriting. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-20195149588731043882009-04-06T18:02:00.000-07:002009-04-06T19:24:06.449-07:00And Cut!Today's post title is a relatively obscure reference to one of my favorite stand-up comedians, Jim <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Gaffigan</span>. He has a bit where he talks about how he likes to walk around and act like he's a movie director during his everyday life. Basically when something happens that he doesn't like, he just likes to say "And Cut" and then everyone has to stop doing what they are doing, like it's the end of a take. <div><br /></div><div>I bring this up because I've had a few "and cut" moments in the past couple of weeks. Basically just stuff that has dragged on way longer than it should. I thought I'd share some of these experiences/my thoughts with you guys. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Scenario 1 - Oklahoma!</span></div><div>A couple of weeks ago, <a href="http://www.katheats.com/">somebody</a> thought it would be a good idea to spend a perfectly good Saturday night going to a high school musical. Not an awesome movie starring the dreamy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Zac</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Effron</span>, but an actual, high school musical at a real high school. Come to think of it, it wasn't just a perfectly good Saturday night...it was a better than <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">average</span> Saturday night. There were NCAA basketball games on and I was still alive in my brackets at this point. But I was peer pressured to go to the local high school and watch Oklahoma! instead. During the next THREE HOURS, here's what I learned:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. High school kids don't shower everyday and sort of smell like b.o. (Kate's observation)</div><div>2. This high school really needs a wealthy alum to park his/her ass in one of those wooden chairs for three hours. Then s/he would donate some seat cushions or money for padded seats. </div><div>3. The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">exclamation</span> point at the end of Oklahoma is a complete tease. This isn't exciting at all. They just added that so people would think it's an exciting play. </div><div>4. The entire first act of Oklahoma! can be removed. Seriously, they spend the entire first hour and a half talking/singing about who is going to take whom to the box social. Don't they realize that the Box Social is actually being held in Aunt <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Eller's</span> backyard. It's like 10 feet away from where they are doing the dancing and singing...does it really matter who goes with whom?</div><div>5. I can download a whole lot of iPhone apps in three hours.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note: </span>I'm not really a fan of the arts. The arts really haven't done anything for me. Actually, the arts were the only blemishes on an otherwise stellar report card for years. Unless Movies and Television and Blogs can be considered 'the arts.' If that's the case, then I love the arts. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Scenario 2 - </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Beerfest</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>So this one was actually pretty fun. We went to a brewery on Saturday and took the brewery tour. Exactly the kind of thing that I would like, right? Here's the deal...</div><div><br /></div><div>1. With the tour comes 5 complimentary tastes - each about 6 ounces</div><div>2. I crunched some numbers in the back, and the only way that 5, six ounce tastes would have the desired effect is if I do the drinking of all five in quick succession</div><div>3. There is a tour in the middle, so I pretty much need the tour to happen fast so I can finish up my tastes and have beer do what it is supposed to do</div><div>4. The tour took a long time because <a href="http://www.brewandbake.com/">somebody</a> kept asking a bunch of questions. I understand that it's sort of research for his blog, but some of us really don't care what temperature the water is when they add the yeast, as long as the beer tastes good, right? Nerd.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and the brewery was like an hour drive from our house. I know that doesn't sound like it's very far away, but since I started working from home, I really don't drive at all. Like I'll go a week where the only driving I do is to and from the airport. Now my ass starts to hurt on an hour drive because of the whole sitting on the wallet thing. That didn't used to happen until after a few hours. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Hmm</span>, both scenarios 1 and 2 have included something about my butt hurting...I'll try to work on that for scenario 3.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Scenario 3 - Dessert Bar</span></div><div><br /></div><div>This one is a good idea gone bad. Charlotte added a dessert bar downtown a couple of weeks ago. What's that saying about arranging the deckchairs on the titanic? Don't these people know that we're in a recession? Anyway, whatever. Dessert is good, so I'm cool with it. <a href="http://www.pinqueblog.com/">Somebody</a> thought we should go, and it didn't take much arm twisting. Now I'm usually a pretty patient person at restaurants. I'm used to big fancy client dinners where I have to sit in the same place for three hours. Also, my dad is the least patient person in the world (like he has to walk around if it takes more than five minutes for his food to be brought out, or he'll take his empty glass up back to the kitchen to find the server for a refill) and I try not to do that. But this is a dessert only place. So it's just one course. Or you could say two courses, if you want to count a cocktail as it's own course. </div><div><br /></div><div>Somehow this process takes 2.5 hours. This is .83 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Oklahomas</span>. The Oklahoma is my new unit of measurement of time. 1 Oklahoma = 3 hours. The Oklahoma has replaced B<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">raveheart</span> as my unit of measurement for time. During that 2.5 hours, we had one drink. We ordered three desserts, and received zero desserts. Orders 1 and 2 were out of stock. Order #3 was prepared incorrectly. So we went to a dessert bar for 2.5 hours and didn't get any dessert. During this 2.5 hours, I thought about how many <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Steak'n'Shake</span> Milkshakes I could drink in that amount of time, or if I could walk to a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">McDonalds</span>, order an apple pie, then run a 10k, write a blog post, walk the dog, and still be done in less than 2.5 hours. At least the booth was comfortable. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now I didn't start out to write a bitter rant of a blog post, but that seems to be what this has become. All of the scenarios above were fun (especially beerfest) because we were with friends. I think I started 1,000 words ago with a Jim <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Gaffigan</span> reference. Maybe I should take my own advice.....And Cut!</div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-43926647031352345492009-04-03T10:24:00.000-07:002009-04-03T14:04:31.935-07:00This Week in Blogs, Volume II<div>Greetings, and welcome to the second weekly food blog roundup. Thanks for coming back. It’s been an exciting week in Food Blog World, and I’ll do my best to take you around in the next 1000 words or so. I’ve decided to change it up a bit and go for more short reviews, instead of a handful of really long ones. We’ll see how that goes. I usually just start rambling, so that might not work. Here. We. Go.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://bitesandbowls.com/">Kelsey</a> at Bites + Bowls had a very busy week. In addition to wearing some Flashdance-style leggings, she also tried on 17 different colors of nail polish and took about 15 inappropriate pictures of fruit and veggies. Since Kelsey doesn’t eat mammal, there is usually fruit and/or veggies with every meal. This means three opportunities per day for phallic fruit and veggie placement. Oh, and she also became the first food blogger to take a picture of her dirty laundry. Congrats, Kelsey. Bites and Bowls was also under attack this week by a Negative Nancy commentor. There were like five consecutive posts when the same person kept writing nastygrams about pretty much everything. So I had to put on my disguise as my blog commentor alter ego/sassy middle-aged woman (this time I was named Marge) and come to the rescue. Marge saved the day and once again stopped the advances of Negative Nancy.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://veggiegirlvegan.blogspot.com/">VeggieGirl</a> – I hope your VeggieCameraman/VeggieDad is feeling better. He didn’t sound too good on your last video. I could send you some Robitussin or maybe some Sucrets or something. I’m hoping it’s just a springtime cold, and not a ventilation problem in the VeggieGirl kitchen/VGTV Studios. Oh, and VeggieGirl, my blondies have not arrived yet. What does a girl have to do to get some VeggieGirl blondies? Everyone else in Blogland seems to have received their VeggieGirl Blondies, and mine are nowhere to be found. Did you lose my address already? And why doesn’t my cable package come with VeggieGirl TV? I get Starz 8 in HD and four shopping channels, but no VeggieGirl TV. That ain’t right. Time Warner - If you're listening, can you please add VeggieGirl TV to my channel lineup?</div><div> </div><div><a href="http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/">Caitlin</a> at Healthy Tipping Point is considering a move to Charlotte. I am 100% in favor of this move. If it helps make your decision, I'll let you refer to me as “Replacement Meghann” after you move. I’m cool with it, really. Caitlin had the first food blog night that I could actually relate to on Saturday. It involved onion rings, watching basketball, and drinking beers. Not just A beer, but beers plural. Then you had to ruin it by running 10 miles while listing to the Twilight Soundtrack. Why must you torment me like this? You can move here if you want, but you better leave those damn vampire friends in Florida. Caitlin also finished her 30 day shred. Finally! I was exhausted just from reading about it.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://onalobsterplacemat.com/">On a Lobster Placemat</a>. Okay, so I haven’t started reading this one yet, but I really dig the name and Kate likes your blog. Most of these food blogs seem to follow a pretty consistent naming convention of [Name/Nickname] + [What I like to Do] OR [ Name + What I like to Eat] OR [Some Noun and Verb Combo]. And then out of nowhere comes this fantastic abstract blog name that I really don’t understand. This is the food blog equivalent of Pearl Jam’s “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town” in a sea of one word song titles like Daughter, Jeremy, Alive, and Black. I will start reading your blog, just because of the name. And because you play with your food.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://eatingchalk.wordpress.com/">Super Caloric Chalk Dust</a> is also a pretty fantastic blog name. I also feel like SCCD must live in one of those cities where companies test out all of their new products before launching them across the country. That's the only theory I can come up with, because I spend a lot of time at the grocery store, and I’ve never seen half of the products that you’ve tried this week. Doritos Collisions? Jelly Belly Pudding? Aloe Juice? Where do you find these treasures, and have they been approved by the FDA? I get scared when you go a couple of days without posting. I start to think that maybe one of these experimental/only available wherever the heck you live foods caused some significant health issue that is keeping you from your blogging responsibilities. Or maybe you just have other stuff to do.</div><div> </div><div><a href="http://zestycook.com/">ZestyCook</a> – So I finally started reading this one so I have more to talk about than his beautiful bald head, but then I got sidetracked. I saw that you made a chocolate cake and used a Skor Bar as a topping. They still make Skor bars? I thought those went the way of the Rollerblade. Maybe they just started selling them in Canada and stopped U.S. distribution. Which reminds me – do they still sell Clearly Canadian in Canada? Because that stuff kicked ass. So if you can get your hands on some Clearly Canadian, you can send it my way. It would go really well with VeggieGirl’s blondies (which should totally be here by now).</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.fitnessista.com/">The Fitnessista</a> got a shout-out in one of her favorite (and my favorite) magazines this week – Glamour. My favorite part of Glamour (and Cosmo) is taking their little quizzes. It always comes back with results like "you really need to work on pleasing your man" or "you are a strong independent woman." I'm starting to think that maybe those quizzes aren't designed for men who are just killing time at the grocery store checkout. Anyway, Fitnessista's Glamour quote had something to do with healthy living and loving your body. I didn’t really read it. But I did see that she said something about doing Zumba. Kate and I tried doing Zumba once in South Beach with my Uncle Joe and Aunt Rolando. It was not pretty. My uncles were Zumba professionals and we were not. I think Kate and I were both two entire songs behind the rest of the class. I also like Fitnessista because Kate can’t even come close to pronouncing her blog’s name correctly. So I like to ask Kate what she’s looking at (while I know she’s looking at Fitnessista) just to hear the pronunciation. Kate’s version includes about 12 S’s and 6 I’s.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.brewandbake.com/">Matt</a> at Brew and Bake just posted his 7th step in his how to home brew series. 7 steps and we can’t even drink the beer yet! I’ve decided that if anything takes more than three steps to explain, I’m probably just going to buy it instead. Or, I’ll just hang out in Matt’s garage when he gets to the ‘bottling’ step. And when he goes in to type out his blog post, I’ll just take the beer. Probably shouldn’t have written that plan down – there goes the element of surprise.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Up/Stock Down – With Commentary. Sometimes.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Up</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Green Smoothies</span> – Yeah, <a href="http://www.katheats.com">somebody</a> thought it was a good idea to put spinach or kale in a smoothie. I’m sure it’s pretty healthy. It’s been a great weight loss tool for me. No, I haven’t tried one of these, but Kate has jumped on the bandwagon, and every time I see the post-Green Smoothie Blender in my kitchen I start to throw up in my mouth and skip my next meal. Thanks ladies!</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Kombucha</span> – So it costs like $3.50 and tastes like garbage water…what’s not to love? Oh, and it’s the only drink I’ve found that still doesn't taste good, even after you mix it with alcohol.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">April Fools Jokes</span> – Seriously... saying you ate something fried or had fast food is not enough. Ladies, this is your one day out of the year when you can lie and nobody can get mad at you. Go out on more of a limb. Next year I’m expecting a food blogger to say they were coked out with Lindsay Lohan or huffed gasoline for breakfast with an Olson twin. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Breakfast Cookies</span> - I stopped getting excited when I found it they weren't talking about Oreos</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Down</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Pistachio Nuts</span> - This latest recall hit the food blogging community very hard. We're going to pull through this. I promise.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Exercise-related injuries</span> - Everyone seems to be magically healed now.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">30 Day Shred – Level II</span> - That was so last week.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Using the terms 'sammie' and 'brekkie' </span>- Specifically for sandwich and breakfast. Actually stock is way up on these two. I just really want it to stop. So I thought maybe putting them in the stock down category would lead to their demise - at least on this side of the Atlantic.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>That’s all for this week. I should be back next Friday. Give me a couple weeks and this food blog roundup will have its own blog. It'll probably have a weekly long post and then some shorter stuff on a daily basis. The new design will be fun, flirty, and feminine with a spunky edge. Not really. I actually just stole that from a food blog. A free VeggieGirl blondie to the first person who can tell me where I stole that last line. I'm lying about the blondie too, but curious if anyone can name that blog. </div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, time to go. See y'all next week.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com70tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-72262213687325159262009-04-02T12:40:00.000-07:002009-04-02T14:07:29.550-07:00Summer PlansIt's that time of year again (check local listings). There are leaves on the trees, the birds are chirping, and there are lots of door to door people trying to get me to buy everything from gutter cleaning to tree trimming to lawn care.<div><br /></div><div>The lawn care guy came to our door today. He was from the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">TruGreen</span> -<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ChemLawn company,</span> I think. And why the hell would they include "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ChemLawn</span>" in their name? I think I'd try to downplay the use of chemicals, but what do I know. Anyway, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TruGreen</span> guy is warmly greeted by Kate (never really interested in dealing with a door to door salesman) and Gilbert (who was already in a bad mood because it was raining outside and he couldn't go to the bark park). So the doorbell rings and Gilbert starts barking like crazy. Kate gets the door because I'm lazy and don't feel like leaving my couch and Martha Stewart for five minutes. I know I didn't enter Publisher's Clearing House this month so there's no chance it's the prize patrol. Kate answers, realizes it's the lawn chemical guy, and responds with a firm (but polite) "no thank you, my husband takes care of the lawn." I loved it. It was delivered with the right amount of voice inflection, and had the undertone of traditional gender roles that are so not us. It <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">could've</span> only been better if she would've finished it off with "now if you'll excuse me, I have a roast in the oven to attend to. I said good day sir." </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, chemical man didn't stop there. The rejection before his pitch and the barking dog did not stop this guy from delivering his killer close-the-deal line of "what are your plans for your lawn this summer?" Kate responded with a quick "to mow it" and that was that. It was short and just enough <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">smartass</span> to get him to go away. </div><div><br /></div><div>After <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Chemlawn</span> man left, the four of us (Kate, Me, Gilbert, and Martha) sat around and discussed how we <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">could've</span> answered that question better. Well, it was basically just Kate and I discussing it, but Martha and Gil were both there too. Anyway, how the hell are you supposed to respond to a question like "What are your plans for your lawn this summer?" We came up with several options. Feel free to borrow any of these if the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">TruGreen</span> guy comes to your door:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">TruGreen</span> Man: What are your plans for your lawn this summer?</div><div><br /></div><div>You: I'm not sure. We were thinking of taking the lawn to see my folks up in Wisconsin. But probably only the front lawn, because the back lawn gets car sick.</div><div><br /></div><div>or</div><div><br /></div><div>You: Well, we're going to enroll the lawn in a summer reading program at the public library. We want it to stay sharp and to keep on learning even during the summer months. Oh, and lawn is on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">waiting list</span> for swimming lessons at the YMCA, so keep your fingers crossed!</div><div><br /></div><div>or</div><div><br /></div><div>You: We've got a lot of things lined up for the lawn this summer. Including, but not limited to: letting the dog pee on it. Pounding some metal stakes into it and throwing some horses shoes back and forth, and probably digging some holes in it at some point.</div><div><br /></div><div>or</div><div><br /></div><div>You: We're probably going to take it easy this summer. Lawn had a big year last year (with the trip to Europe and all) so we'll probably just stay around here. I mean, lawn will grow and get cut and then grow and get cut, but that's about it. We'll probably do that every week or so.</div><div><br /></div><div>or</div><div><br /></div><div>You: We're planning on digging up the entire lawn, donating the grass to science, and then paving the entire yard.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's all we could come up with. Then Martha butted in with something about making your own honey or something like that so we stopped thinking about the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">TruGreen</span> guy and his silly question. Again, feel free to borrow these, or share your own suggestions as comments.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-82632932640917562192009-04-01T18:53:00.000-07:002009-04-01T19:31:22.368-07:00Blog Housekeeping and House HuntersHi Everyone. Sorry for the delay. I've been doing some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">YIFY</span> soul-searching this week. Lots of trust falls and ropes courses with me and my blog.<div><br /></div><div>So I'll start with a little blog housekeeping. This food blog week in review thing seemed to work pretty well, so I should probably do some more of that. That being said, the food blog critic thing really doesn't fit into the strict charter of this blog - nor is it entirely interesting to people who don't spend their free time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">blogstalking</span> (except reading mine). So the master plan now is to create a new blog where I just talk about other blogs. I'll start working on that one of these days with a new domain, new design, and all of the other things that go along with starting a new blog. Once that happens, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">YIFY</span> will go back to just being a random collection of my thoughts about nothing in particular. Oh, and the new food <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">blogstalker</span> blog (yet to be named or created) will have pictures and graphics and all of the things that a blog should have. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">YIFY</span> will remain in its current (ugly) format. So for the next couple of weeks, I'll continue doing the food blog posting thing here until I get motivated and make the pretty blog. </div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, that's enough housekeeping for one day. Now I'll make the smooth transition from blog details to cable television...</div><div><br /></div><div>As many of you know, I spend a significant amount of my life watching television. I can't spend all of my free time stalking food blogs, and television is more than happy to fill this need. There are really three categories of television shows that Kate and I watch:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Shows that only Kate likes (about 15 shows - mostly those on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">HGTV</span> or TLC)</div><div>2. Shows that only I like (about 100 shows - pretty much everything)</div><div>3. Shows that we both like (4 shows that I can think of)</div><div><br /></div><div>I can think of about four shows that we both like off the top of my head: The Office, The Biggest Loser, Barefoot <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Contessa</span>, and The Today Show. Of course, The Today Show should count as more than one show, since it's literally on for 24 hours per week (two hours on Saturdays and Sundays, and 4 hours each weekday). That's ridiculous, but that's for another post. This one is about House Hunters. It used to be one of the shows that we both like, but I recently made the decision to move it into the 'Shows that only Kate likes' bucket.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not entirely sure why I broke up with House Hunters, but I can think of a couple possible reasons - I could be burned out from doing actual house hunting not very long ago and the thought of house hunting again just is not appealing at all. Or (more likely) I've finally realized that every single episode of House Hunters is exactly the same. Since it's still in the "shows that Kate likes" category, I still have to sit through my share of episodes. So I've decided to come up with a list of things that will likely happen in an episode, and then rate the episode based on how many of these things actually happens. Every episode has at least 2 of these things happen, if you're lucky, you'll see an episode with four or more of the following:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. [Wife/Girlfriend] - Steps into walk in closet and makes some stupid joke about "Well, this is big enough for my wardrobe, but I don't know where he'll put his clothes" ha ha ha</div><div><br /></div><div>2. [Husband/Boyfriend] - Sees dishwasher and makes dumb joke about "not having dishpan hands anymore" ha ha ha</div><div><br /></div><div>3. [Wife/Girlfriend] - shows some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">apprehension</span> about the backyard. Usually something about "I don't know if a pool is really safe with the kids" or "what if a bear comes in from that wooded area and eats the kids." Okay, that second one never happens, but the first one is pretty common.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. [Husband/Boyfriend] - expresses some interest in turning the basement, shed, or bonus room into a 'men's den'. Bonus point if he uses the term 'man cave' and acts like he's the first person to ever use the term.</div><div><br /></div><div>5. [Wife/Girlfriend] - dismisses one of the houses because of something stupid like "I just don't know about the paint color in the baby's room." This is usually when Kate starts talking to them through the TV and says something about how easy it would be to change the color of the baby's room. </div><div><br /></div><div>6. [Realtor] Ends up showing houses that are not in the couple's price range. Bonus point if they end up buying a home that was not in their original price range.</div><div><br /></div><div>So next time you watch House Hunters, see how many of these you can check off your list. Or, next time you lose control of the remote try to come up with a your own episode cliche scavenger hunt. It helps pass the time. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com101tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-29883406073526328442009-03-27T08:23:00.001-07:002009-03-27T14:51:16.027-07:00This Week in Food (Blogs)Hello, and welcome to the first (and potentially last) edition of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">YIFY</span> Food Blog Roundup. This could probably go in a couple of directions from here. Either it could become wildly popular and create it's own spin-off blog, or I could offend a bunch of people that I don't even know, feel guilty about it, and then go back to blogging about my dog or hard alcohol. Only time will tell. A few of the ground rules:<div><br /></div><div>1. Blogs were selected at random. And by random I mean I'm commenting on the handful that I read regularly, or those that seem to be popular because they get frequent shout-outs in the blogs that I read.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. If you have your own food blog that you want to be included, or, if there's one that you read and you want me to comment on it, just leave it as a comment. No promises here - remember that this might be the last edition.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. I'm not trying to be an ass. Really. This is about as edited/filtered as I get. Sorry if it is still in some way offensive. This is the first post where Kate actually has editorial control. Mostly because she's the nicest person that I know.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. If I write something about you and you don't like it, you can email me and I'll edit the post, print a retraction, or apologize profusely - your pick. But if you don't think it's too painful, I'd say just laugh it off. There may be some symbiosis here eventually. If we hit the big time, then maybe we can help drive traffic your way.</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, now that we've got that our of the way, here's your roundup</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog</span>: <a href="http://www.katheats.com/">Kath Eats Real Food</a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blogger</span>: Kath</div><div><br /></div><div>Kath returned from Africa last week and got back to her normal blogging schedule. I'm not going to lie...life was a little more difficult when Kath was in Africa. Posts were inconsistent. Matt did his best to fill the Kath shaped hole that was left in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">blogworld</span>, but it was hard on all of us. And when Kath did post, there were comment battles popping up everywhere. It was very difficult.</div><div><br /></div><div>But now Kath is back and all is right in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">blogworld</span>. She had a bunch of contests in the past week. I think it might be related to her trip to Africa. I have a feeling that next week she's going to announce that she's actually a Nigerian princess, and if you make a small deposit (of barney butter) into her account, then she can access all of the riches of her motherland and shower you with gold and ivory and probably some oatmeal. Be on the lookout for that, as I think it might be a scam.</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of oatmeal, Kath and Oatmeal were fighting earlier this week. And by fighting, I mean that she chose other breakfast treats for a few days. It was difficult to watch. I felt like I was sitting in the back of the minivan and plugging my ears and saying la la la to myself to drown out the noise of Mom (Kath) and Dad (Oatmeal) fighting. I was worried that I would have to pick sides if they split up for good. I mean, we really like hanging out with Kath and Matt, but Oatmeal and I have such history together. Fortunately, it didn't come to that. Kath and her oats are reunited once again. </div><div><br /></div><div>Did I really just write an entire paragraph about someone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">else's</span> relationship with oatmeal?</div><div><br /></div><div>[Leaving the United States. Driving North. Going through Customs. Welcome to Canada] </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog</span>: <a href="http://ohsheglows.com/">Oh She Glows</a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blogger</span>: Angela</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">OSG</span> just launched a "Bikini Body <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Bootcamp</span>" contest. Basically she's having her readers send in some 'before' pictures in bikinis (along with their measurements) and then they'll have a winner at the end of the thing. I'm trying to figure out how I can show my support. Which of these would be the least creepy?</div><div><br /></div><div>1. I could take my picture wearing a women's bikini</div><div>2. I could go with imitation being the most sincere form of flattery, and also ask my blog readers to send in bikini pictures</div><div>3. I could send in my picture wearing a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">speedo</span> and an "I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Glo</span>" baby tee</div><div><br /></div><div>I think all of the above are pretty creepy, so maybe I'll just send in a celebrity bathing suit picture and say its me. I'd probably go with the famous <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Tyra</span> Banks or Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures or something like that. </div><div><br /></div><div>But best of luck to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">OSG</span> and the rest of the contestants. I know that bikini season is only about three days long in Canada, so hopefully they've got the scheduling figured out.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog</span>: <a href="http://zestycook.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Zestycook</span></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blogger</span>: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Hmm</span>, Zesty, I guess. Mind if I call you that? Perhaps Zest for short...</div><div><br /></div><div>I have to admit that I don't really read this blog. I'm going to start, I just haven't gotten around to it. But it seems popular and fancy enough so I thought I'd write about it. Also, Zesty is successful in a female-dominated space, and I applaud that. I compare it to my success on the Taylor Swift Karaoke circuit, where it's usually just me and a bunch of women. But since I don't read his blog (yet) this is probably going to be a fairly superficial roundup.</div><div><br /></div><div>I love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Zesty's</span> beautiful bald head - and I don't care who knows it. Have y'all seen his head? It can be seen in all its glory on the "<a href="http://zestycook.com/about-2/">About Zesty</a>" page. It looks so damn smooth. It's probably good that we haven't met yet. I'm 97% sure that I'd start the conversation with "is it cool if I feel your head?" I used to think to myself that I'd much rather have gray hair than go bald, but a couple of things have changed my mind on that topic:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. I started getting gray hair. And it seems to be coming in on the sides faster than the top. That was not part of the plan. I was hoping for George <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Clooney</span>, but I'm worried it's going to be more like Grandpa Munster.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. I saw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Zesty's</span> glorious bald head, and thought, yeah, that's definitely better than the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Grandpa</span> Munster look that I'm working on right now. </div><div><br /></div><div>I promise I'll stop talking about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Zesty's</span> head soon, but one more thing on that topic. When I was 14 and had to go to the dermatologist, there was a picture hanging on the wall. It was a side by side comparison of a 50-something plains Indian woman, and a 90-something Tibetan monk. The plains Indian woman spent all of her time in the sun so her face looked like an old catcher's mitt. The Tibetan monk spent all of his time protected from the sun and his bald head looked flawless. For the last 14 years I have been looking for a bald head as flawless as the monk head, and now we have found it...This concludes the somewhat-creepy section of this post where I describe another man's head.</div><div><br /></div><div>I promise I'll actually read the blog next week so I can actually talk about it instead of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Zesty's</span> head. </div><div><br /></div><div>[Leaving Canada. Stopping briefly at Duty Free to buy some booze. Next stop = Florida]</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog</span>: <a href="http://graduatemeghann.com/">The Inner Workings of a College Graduate</a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blogger</span>: Meghann</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been a very exciting week for Graduate Meghann readers. At long last, Meghann addressed her relationship status. For those of you who haven't been following along (shame on you), Meghann has been spotted out with this guy named Derek, since the Valentine's day time frame, but he has not yet received a title on the blog. So every time Derek and Meghann do something, there are usually a handful of comments saying something like "are you and Derek dating" or "is Derek your boyfriend." </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, Meghann finally cleared this up for us. Sort of. In a recent post, Meghann stated:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 18px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Truth is Derek and I discussed it this weekend and we both honestly do not know what to label each other. </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We both know that we enjoy each other’s company and that we are just seeing how things move from here.</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> There is no rush to produce labels, so one day at a time people! </span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">LOL</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"</span></span></span><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 18px;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"><br /></span></div><div>Well, that might be good enough for you two, but those of us in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">blogworld</span> need a label. It doesn't even have to be an accurate label, as long as it is used consistently. So if you don't want to go with 'Boyfriend' or 'Dating', that's fine, but give us something. You can call him the Easter Bunny or the Pope or whatever you want - just give the guy/relationship a title. It can be like a game of blog Mad Libs.</div><div><br /></div><div>In other Graduate Meghann news, Meghann and her Easter Bunny, Derek went rollerblading this week. Wait, what? How did they do that? Did they get into a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">DeLorian</span> with Michael J. Fox, get it up to 88 miles an hour and set the flux capacitor for 1996? I can't remember the last time I saw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">rollerblades</span>, but I'm pretty sure Clinton was in office. I'm not really sure why Rollerblades disappeared. It wasn't like a better technology came along like with the Zach Morris cell phone or the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Betamax</span> or laser disc player. People just stopped using them. But maybe Meghann and her Easter Bunny are bringing them back, and I support that. BTW, spellcheck doesn't even recognize '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">rollerblades</span>' as a word anymore.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blog</span>: <a href="http://eatliverun.com/">Eat, Live, Run</a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Blogger</span>: Jenna</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, this will be a short one...mostly because this post is already too long. I don't know what happened here. I went out of town last week and Jenna was like the queen of yoga and every post had something to do with yoga. Then I came back and now every post talks about swimming. What the hell did I miss? It's like someone did a big 'search and replace' on the entire blog and took out Yoga and replaced it with Swimming. I'll get over it, but I feel like it was all really abrupt. It's a good thing that this isn't a 'Single White Female' scenario, otherwise I would've already invested in my own yoga mat and personal Yogi, only to have to switch it up and buy goggles now.</div><div><br /></div><div>In other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">ELR</span> news, Jenna and her BF were at the beach, and apparently Jenna's BF is friends with Albert <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Haynesworth</span> and other professional football players. Now I don't doubt that it's true, but it would be an amazingly funny inside joke if it wasn't. Like he could just give her another random celebrity every week and she would have to weave that person into the blog. Almost like a Barbara Walters-style namedropping (I was horseback riding with the King of Jordan just last week...I was in a hot tub with Matt Damon and Ben <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Affleck</span>). Also, I'd really like to see a photo of Jenna with <a href="http://espn.go.com/photo/2006/1122/pg2_a_haynesworth_195.jpg">Albert <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Haynesworth</span></a>. And yes, he's the one stomping on the other dude's head. If I was decent with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">photoshop</span>, I'd make that happen...instead you'll all just have to imagine it in your mind.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blogging Trends or Stock up/Stock Down (not sure what to call it yet)</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Up</span></div><div>Barney Butter</div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Tempeh</span></div><div>Commenting with ALL CAPS and plenty of !!!!</div><div>Fake signatures at the end of posts</div><div>30 Day Shred Level II</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Stock Down</span></div><div>Yoga</div><div>Protein Powder</div><div>Labels for boyfriends</div><div>Black tar heroin</div><div>30 Day Shred Level I</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Stay tuned for next week (or next time that I get around to this) when I'll review <a href="http://www.brewandbake.com/">Brew and Bake</a>, <a href="http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/">Healthy Tipping Point</a>, <a href="http://bitesandbowls.com/">Bites and Bowls</a>, and whatever other blogs y'all tell me to write about.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's all. Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com114tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-26746148815037675582009-03-26T12:44:00.000-07:002009-03-26T14:16:14.612-07:00The Real Housewives of FacebookThis should probably be titled "My Digital Friends, Volume IV," but the real housewives total came to me when I was running yesterday, and I just couldn't help myself. <div><br /></div><div>So of my 387 facebook friends, there are probably 20 or so that are stay at home moms (SAHMs). A couple of these are family members. I promise this post isn't about you. Hopefully that'll stop my sister from being mad at me. Most of my SAHM friends are from high school or college who have recently followed the traditional progression of: graduated from school, got married, had kid, stay at home and raise kid. The new last step in this progression is apparently "spend all of my time on facebook." Stay at home moms are great people, and they have the hardest job in the world (other than coal miners, probably) but I know this much is true:</div><div><br /></div><div>Stay at home moms are the worst facebook friends. Ever.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most of this revolves around the status update. Specifically:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">They Update Their Status All the time</span>: I expect status updates at specific times of the day: Early risers update their status in the morning. 8-5ers update their status after lunch (something like "back in the office and ready for a nap") and then there are the ready to leave work, and just got home from work status updates. Finally, there are the 'I have nothing better to do tonight so I'll update my facebook status' updates. With SAHMs, they just update their status all day. Now I only know this because I'm on Facebook all day, but it's damn annoying.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">They Update Their Status with Stuff that Doesn't Interest Me</span>: I go onto Facebook to be entertained. This does not happen with your SAHM friends. You get Facebook status updates like:</div><div><br /></div><div>"Life is good when [insert rugrat name] sleeps through the night"</div><div>"Shopping for Minivans, and recommendations?"</div><div>"Taking [rugrat] to Target. He's still trying to get over his cold. Darn that daycare"</div><div>"What does it mean when [rugrat] has green spitup?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Again, I'm looking for an enjoyable distraction with my facebook status updates. I'm looking for an obscure movie quote or song lyric, or some interesting detail of your life. Maybe even something unintentionally funny after being overserved on a Friday or Saturday night. Not this mom stuff about minivans or gerber products.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Their Mom Friends have Full Conversations on Facebook</span>: So I usually judge Facebook status updates based on two criteria: 1. Does it make me laugh, 2. Did lots of other people comment on it. Usually these two are pretty consistent. If I find something funny or entertaining, I'm probably not alone. With my SAHM friends, they post the lamest status updates (see examples above) yet still get a handful of responses that are just as lame. It's like there is this vast network of moms on facebook that go from watching noggin to hitting refresh on their computer to commenting on their status and then repeat. Oh, and I know I could call them a Momtourage, but I really don't want that term to takeoff, so I'm not going to use it. Damn, I guess I just did. So if some SAHM asks for input about a minivan, there will be five recommendations up there an hour later. Maybe I'm just jealous, who knows. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think it all comes back to my fear that one day all of the cool kids are going to wake up and realize that everyone is using facebook, and then they'll close out their accounts and start doing something else instead. Then it'll just be me and the SAHMs left on Facebook and my only entertainment will be status updates about the Honda Odessey and Go Diego Go. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-90183548062312727762009-03-25T16:17:00.000-07:002009-03-25T17:23:04.361-07:00My Digital Friends, Volume IIIHow about this...three days in a row. This will be your third and final installment in the "My Digital Friends" series. This one is about how having blogging friends really changes your interaction and relationships with these people.<div><br /></div><div>I'll start with our friend <a href="http://www.katheats.com/">Kath</a>, who is sort of our Charlotte Kevin Bacon. Every friend that we have in Charlotte can be traced back to Kath (and her husband, Matt) in some way. We've met some other people (not through Kath) but usually they just try to get us to go to church with them. Kate likes to remind me of the six degrees of Kath whenever I make fun of her for excessive <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">blogstalking</span>. Usually something along the lines of "we wouldn't even know Kath and Matt if I didn't do this" like she's some kind of martyr or something. Gotta love it. Anyway, we met Kath and Matt because of Kate's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">blogstalking</span> and then setting up a double date. At the time of this double date, I wasn't really a follower of Kath's blog, but since we were going to meet them, I took a couple of hours to do research on her blog. The blog was like a full couples <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">eHarmony</span> profile or something, except most of it was about oatmeal and yoga. <a href="http://www.brewandbake.com/">Matt's blog</a> focuses more on my interests (bread and beer), but that wasn't launched until after our first date. So that's one plus of having blogging friends...you feel like you know them before you actually know them.</div><div><br /></div><div>One thing to watch out for when you have blogging friends is to not freak out their blog's recurring characters the first time you meet them. So the first time I met Matt's mom, I think I led with "So how is Spanish class going?" Matt's mom is auditing a Spanish class at a local university, but I only know this because I read the blog. Think how creepy that must sound coming from some guy you haven't met before. I think I followed that one up with something like "Why do you always order white wine when the meal absolutely calls for a full-bodied red?" Another one that I only knew because of my freakish memory and creepy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">blogstalking</span> habits. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Should've</span> probably kept those to myself and just gone with something like "Nice to meet you, do you live around here?"</div><div><br /></div><div>You also have to watch out and make sure that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">someones</span> blog persona doesn't trump what you actually know about them. My friends <a href="http://www.aliverson.com/">Al</a> and <a href="http://kateharding.net/">Kate</a> are both <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">bloggers</span>. They got married a few months ago and actually announced it on their respective blogs. I saw them for the first time since the wedding, and even though my Kate instructed me to "congratulate them on their wedding" I think I led with "Hey Kate, congrats on your 1000<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">th</span> post" which was a detail that I had picked up from reading her blog. I quickly recovered with "oh, and congrats on getting married, too."</div><div><br /></div><div>Having blogger friends can also get you reading things that you normally wouldn't read. My friend <a href="http://www.pinqueblog.com/">Michelle</a> blogs about fashion. Now I enjoyed Sex and the City (the show and movie) as much as the next guy (actually, probably more than the next guy), but I probably wouldn't read a blog about women's fashion if I wasn't friends with the author. Then again, I doubt all of my friends would really be interested in some gem that I write that amounts to 1000 words about the best mixers for Gin, but they muddle through because they know and/or like me. So I guess it all works out. And now when we hang out with Michelle and her husband I can say things like "oh, those are your 7 for all mankind jeans, aren't they? I loved those with the Express <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Cardi</span>."</div><div><br /></div><div>Commenting on friend blogs is also fun. I usually do one of two things. I either comment with some kind of off-topic inside joke, or come up with a fake name and defend my friend blogger, if someone is being mean via comments. I usually select a woman's name. And this fake woman persona of mine (usually named Marge, or Marci, or Doris) is pretty sassy. I think if I was a woman, I'd be a little <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">feisty</span>. Like the kind of woman who gets into fights - usually over her man. You know, the one with the really thin eyebrows that you see at the mall or at the fair. Yeah, so I'll comment as Marci and defend my friends. Could that be a bumper sticker? "My Blog Persona is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">feisty</span> middle-aged woman."</div><div><br /></div><div>Commenting on my friend <a href="http://bitesandbowls.com/">Kelsey's blog</a> is fun too. Before I met Kelsey, I saw her blog and she had (either intentionally or unintentionally) posted a rather inappropriate looking picture of a couple of apples and a banana. If you don't know what I'm talking about, give a 12 year old boy two apples and a banana and see how he arranges them. So Kelsey was just taking a picture of her lunch or something, and I really really wanted to know if the fruit placement was intentionally in the twig and berries formation, or if it was random produce chance. Kate told me that I couldn't ask via comments, because I hadn't met Kelsey yet, and it's already creepy enough that a guy is reading food blogs. But now that Kelsey is one of my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">blogfriends</span>, I'm entirely comfortable asking - and can do so without worrying about getting blocked from posting comments. </div><div><br /></div><div>So there it is, folks. The end of my three volume series on digital friends. Tomorrow we'll have something on The Real Housewives of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Facebook</span>. That should be fun and will probably offend plenty of readers.</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of offending readers, I'm going to give the whole 'food blog critic' thing a shot on Saturday. We'll try it once and see how it goes. Depends on whether I can be funny without being a complete ass. Maybe I'll turn it into a weekly roundup or something. I was going to ask the food <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">bloggers</span> for permission first, but decided that I'll just ask for forgiveness later, instead. So stay tuned for that. Should be fun.</div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-30126113272304954752009-03-24T17:54:00.001-07:002009-03-24T19:00:16.154-07:00My Digital Friends, Volume IITwo days in a row. Yeah, I know. I'm awesome. So here's Volume II of our three (or more) part series on my digital friends. This one is about my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">facebook</span> friends.<div><br /></div><div>If this topic seems familiar to some of you, then you've been reading this blog for way too long. I did something on 'Social Networking Rules of Engagement' way back in the day. Like back when I had a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">blogmate</span>. But this is a little bit different. This one is about evaluating your current friend list and making difficult cuts. Sort of like trying to cut the budget <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">deficit</span> (yeah, I'm watching the president's press conference right now). </div><div><br /></div><div>So Burger King ran some kind of contest a few weeks ago when they'd give you a free cheeseburger if you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">defriended</span> 10 people. I didn't go for that for a couple of reasons: 1. I wasn't really hungry for a cheeseburger, and 2. I like to avoid conflict at all costs. But it got me thinking about my friend list, and who I would cut if I had to cut people off. Like if Burger King offered me one of those creepy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">oversized</span> 'King' masks and suits for cutting friends, who would I choose?Here's the math:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Starting Number: 387</span>. This is the total number of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">facebook</span> 'friends' that I have. To someone new to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">facebook</span>, this might seem like a lot. To someone who just graduated college, this is nothing. To someone who doesn't use <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">facebook</span>, I'm surprised you made it this far. Anyway, I don't think I have 387 actual friends. That seems like too many. I don't get 387 birthday cards and there certainly aren't 387 people who I could call to help me move or bail me out of jail. 200 sounds better, so that's our goal. In my make believe world, Burger King will give me the creepy King head if I get down under 200 friends. So let's start cutting...</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Subtract People Who I don't Know (14)</span>. So I have to admit that I'm a huge nerd. I started this exercise by going through my entire friend list and typing every name into an excel file. This list of 14 people is basically the list of people that led me to say "who the hell is that" when I typed their name. So those people are gone. I'm not really sure how I became friends with these people. Maybe they were former coworkers who <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">friended</span> me during new employee orientation and then didn't make it to week two. Or maybe I went to college or high school with them and they got married and I don't recognize their married name. Whatever. They're gone now. We're down to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">372</span>.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Subtract People Who I haven't talked to in at least three years (212)</span>. Whoa. that's a lot. And to clarify, talking on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">facebook</span> doesn't count. So this means phone, in person, or email communication. So we could be done (we'd be down to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">160</span> friends), but that wouldn't be much fun, so let's add some people back in.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Add in People who I haven't talked to in three years, BUT I have had some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">facebook</span> communication with them in the past year (45)</span>. Try fitting that column heading on an excel file. So these are your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">facebook</span> success stories. They write funny status updates or post inappropriate pictures. They are your no strings, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">facebook</span> friends. So we have to add them back. Damn, now we're up to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">205</span>. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Add back people who meet previous subtraction criteria but are somehow related to you (2)</span>. So if you're following, these are family members that I haven't talked to in over three years. I know, I'm a bad cousin. But of the 16 total family members among my friends, I have talked to 14 of them, which isn't bad. But we've got to add these two back to avoid family reunion drama. So now we're back to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">207.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Add back people who meet previous subtraction criteria but have the ability to get you fired if they wanted to (1).</span> Of my 387 current friends, I came up with 20 who could probably get me fired if they wanted to (without trying too hard). So these twenty represent current clients and people who have <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">rectangles</span> above my rectangle on the org chart. Note: there are lots of rectangles above my rectangle. But I talk to most of these people pretty often, so most did not meet the aforementioned exclusion criteria. Only one person to add back in. So now we're at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">208</span>. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Subtract your potential liability list (10)</span>. So these are people that are on your list. Your list that you'd hand your PR person if you were ever running for office. Not people that you need to disappear, but people that could cause issues in the future, either because 1. you've done ridiculous things around them or 2. they tend to say ridiculous things. So these are people that would respond to your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">facebook</span> status with some hilarious inside joke that is just blatantly offensive to people who don't know this person. Yeah, they shouldn't be your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">facebook</span> friends, even though they are probably your best friends in real life. Keep in mind that you have people in the 'could get you fired' category above. They don't get along well with the personal liability group. So these actual friends are off the list. We're down to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">198</span>. Give me my creepy looking King head now. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note</span> - There are a couple of other groups that I started counting, but left out of this post:</div><div><br /></div><div>1. People who have seen me naked. This list was way too long. No, not because of that. Get your mind out of the gutter. You try playing high school sports or living in a fraternity. Would it really cost that much more to put in individual shower stalls? If I ever donate money to my high school or college, I'm going to have individual shower stalls put in with doors or curtains. Some freshman will thank me. </div><div><br /></div><div>2. Stay at home moms. I love you all, but your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">facebook</span> status updates just aren't very exciting. I could go on here, but instead stay tuned for a full post on this. Something like "The Real Housewives of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Facebook</span>." Maybe Thursday-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">ish</span>, if '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">yall</span> are free.</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, that's all for tonight. Volume III tomorrow night.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-20122572422089507672009-03-23T17:59:00.000-07:002009-03-23T18:51:34.676-07:00My Digital Friends, Volume IHi Everyone. Sorry that it has been six days since my last post. That's really poor form on my part. So I decided that I should do something about it. I thought maybe if I start a multi-part post, then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">that'll</span> keep me on the hook to post on consecutive days. So this is Volume I (of three) about my digital friends. So this one is about how Kate and I are registered <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">blogstalkers</span>. Volume II will provide tips on how to audit your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Facebook</span> friends to determine if they are really your friends. Volume III will have something to do with how human interaction is different with someone once you become a fan of their blog. After that I might go another six days without blogging, who knows. Anyway, here's Volume I...<div><br /></div><div>Kate's affinity for blogs and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">bloggers</span> has been well documented. Again, 'well documented' means that I wrote a post once about how she liked to use the little 'next blog' button at the top of the screen and randomly surf the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">interweb</span> for blogs. She has sharpened her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">blogstalking</span> focus recently: honing in on 50 or so blogs that she now has bookmarked and checks on a regular basis. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Tangent</span>: Yeah, she uses bookmarks for all of these. And there's no organization to them at all, so even the bookmark list requires scrolling. I've tried to get her to use delicious or google reader or pretty much anything other than a laundry list of bookmarks, but have not been successful. Oh, and she doesn't even bookmark the homepage - she'll bookmark the 'about me' page or something, so she'll still have to navigate to the homepage, even after finding her bookmark. I've concluded that spousal computer skills and navigation preferences are the 's/he never picks up her/his clothes' of our generation.</div><div><br /></div><div>And were back. So she's got this list of fifty or so blogs that she checks all the time. I used to make fun of her for this. I didn't quite understand how she could pay attention to the details of a complete stranger's life. Especially since most of these are like food or healthy eating blogs. So they basically just take pictures of the food that they eat and then talk about it a little bit. There are some exceptions (if you're reading this, just assume you're one of the exceptions). And then for some reason I started reading these damn things too. I think my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">blogstalking</span> picked up when Kate moved back to Indy...it was basically something else that my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">pen pal</span> and I could talk about, other than the uneventful 'how was your day' conversation...especially since neither of us were doing anything too exciting at the time. So instead of 'how was your day' the conversation would start with something like 'can you believe what [insert blogger name here] ate for dinner?'</div><div><br /></div><div>A few things to keep in mind:</div><div>1. We don't know these people. We've never met them. Probably never will.</div><div>2. Most of these <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">bloggers</span> are pretty ordinary. Other than the fact that they take <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">pictures</span> of their food, they are pretty normal. They have ordinary jobs and ordinary lives. Except you, you're an exception, remember? And we don't talk about you. </div><div>3. Not related to 1 and 2, but I should also add that I think I'm the only man who frequents these blogs.</div><div><br /></div><div>So our digital friends are now a major topic of conversation at our house. Instead of awkward spousal silence or picking a stupid fight for the sport of it, we'll have exchanges like this:</div><div><br /></div><div>Kate: So when do you think [insert blogger name] and [<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">blogger's</span> boyfriend] are going to get married?</div><div>Me: I'm not sure. I don't think he's ready yet, and she's still in school, right? And this isn't really the best market for [boyfriend] to sell his condo.<br /></div><div>Kate: Yeah, I guess you're right. I bet they'll get married next Spring, she seems to really like the Spring. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Again, we've never met these people - we've just created our own little soap opera. There are also times when Kate knows what blog I'm reading because of my behavior.</div><div><br /></div><div>Me [singing] - I had some dreams/they were clouds in my coffee/clouds in my coffee</div><div>Kate: You're reading [insert blogger name here] again, aren't you?</div><div>Me: Yep, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">how'd</span> you guess?</div><div>Kate: Because you always sing Carley Simon when you read that blog. Did she post another glamour shot of herself?</div><div>Me: Yup, a blatant ass picture for no apparent reason</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm thinking about starting a new blog where I'm some sort of food blog critic. I'd channel this (unhealthy) obsession and do a daily roundup of what all of the food <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">bloggers</span> are writing about on a given day. Sort of like Perez Hilton but without the inappropriate doodles or actual celebrities. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think it's a good idea, but since I'm currently lacking the motivation to keep one blog up and running, it's probably not the best idea to start another.</div><div><br /></div><div>Stay tuned for Volume II tomorrow (or whenever I get around to it). It'll have something to do with auditing your F<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">acebook</span> friend list. Should be fun. Oh, and Volume III is about the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">bloggers</span> that I know and how reading a friend's blog changes your interaction with that person. So if you're a blogger and you're reading this, you'll have to stay tuned for Volume III. In other news, don't the Roman Numerals make this multi-part post seem like a big deal? Yeah, I thought so too. </div><div><br /></div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-44452609751877328752009-03-17T13:20:00.000-07:002009-03-17T14:20:28.252-07:00Holiday Utility CurvesHappy St. Patrick's Day, everyone. I decided to mark the occasion with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Guinness</span> and a post about holidays. <div><br /></div><div>I've decided that different holidays bring varying levels of joy or utility, depending on one's age. I don't think this is really rocket science...nobody would argue with the statement that most people are super excited about Christmas when they are a little kid, and less excited about it when they are in their 40s. What I've decided is that this utility curve is not the same for all holidays. </div><div><br /></div><div>So in by messed up brain, the level of enjoyment or utility is on the Y axis (the one that goes up and down) and your age is on the X axis (side to side). So holidays like Christmas sort of look like a Ski Jump. They are at their peak early in life, and then go sharply downhill for the rest of your life. That one is sort of obvious (and also sort of depressing). I promise they'll get better.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are some holidays that follow a <a href="http://www.itl.nist.gov/div898/handbook/pmc/section5/gifs/normal.gif">normal distribution</a>. I would put most drinking holidays into this category (St. Patrick's Day, New Year's Eve, Valentines Day if you're single). These holidays are of little to no importance during your early years, then become increasingly important in your late teens to mid 20s, and then fall back into obscurity. And by important, I mean they are a convenient excuse to drink too much. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note:</span> This isn't entirely the case for everyone for St. Patrick's Day. If you're legitimately Irish (not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Bennigan's</span> Irish), then it is sort of important for your entire life. I know this because Kate is legit Irish. Like South Side of Chicago Irish. With a super Irish-sounding maiden name. Honestly, if I had a pet leprechaun, and the pet leprechaun happened to be female, I would probably give it Kate's maiden name. Damn this blog would be better if I could use last names. Oh well. Oh, and I pretty much swiped the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Bennigan's</span> Irish thing from Mike <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Birbiglia</span> who has a whole bit about being Olive Garden Italian.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note #2</span> - Kate says I can use her maiden name. So it's Katie Kerrigan...doesn't that sound like a good leprechaun name?</div><div><br /></div><div>Some holidays are only important when you're in school, and then you forget about them when you grow up. I guess they sort of have the same ski jump distribution as Christmas. I'd put some obscure holidays that schools get off in this category. In Illinois we got <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Casimir</span> Pulaski day off. Don't ask why. I wouldn't even know who that is if it wasn't for W<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ikipedia</span>. We probably would've studied him in school, but we got the day off instead. I'd also put President's Day and Parent Teacher Conference Day in this category. And don't try to tell me that Parent Teacher Conference Day isn't a real holiday.</div><div><br /></div><div>Some holidays seem to have two peaks that resemble, well, boobs, I guess. Sorry...you try coming up with something else that can be described as having two peaks. Not so easy, huh?Anyway, examples of this would be holidays like Halloween, where it's fun when you're a little kid, and then you don't care about it until you get to college and then it just becomes an excuse for people to dress inappropriately. Then it goes back to not being that important or fun. </div><div><br /></div><div>A couple of Nike Swoosh shaped holidays would be Labor Day and Memorial Day. Labor Day pretty much sucks when you're a kid because it means that the swimming pool is closed for the year (check local listings). But it's pretty fantastic when you get older and you get a three day weekend for no particular reason. Same pretty much goes for Memorial Day...utility seems to grow as you get older.</div><div><br /></div><div>That leaves us with Birthdays. I've been thinking about it for awhile, and I finally have it figured out. I think that the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">birthday</span> utility curve sort of looks like any level from Super Mario Brothers. It's pretty flat most of the time, then every five years it gets exciting and goes up and you get to hit your head against the <a href="http://leetgame.info/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/super-mario-bros1.jpg">flashing question mark</a> and grab the coin. This would be on your 5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">th</span> birthday, 15, 25, etc. Your utility goes up a little bit, but nothing too crazy. Then it gets really fun every 10 years - like when you're zero, 10, 20, 30. These would be those <a href="http://www.tecnofollia.com/wp-content/uploads/10911521388-play-super-mario-brothers-1-free-games-online-mozilla-firefox.png">big tubes</a> on Mario Brothers - you can jump up on top and be at the highest levels of utility on these birthdays, or you can jump into the tube and go beneath the surface. That seems to be what people do when they get super depressed on their 30<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">th</span>, 40<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">th</span>, 50<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">th</span> birthdays. Maybe I took the Mario analogy a little too far. </div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, that's all I've got. Enjoy your corned beef and soda bread. And if anyone has an old school <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Nintendo</span> that they want to get rid of, let me know. For some reason I really want to play Mario right now.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-16851442654557011012009-03-16T18:34:00.000-07:002009-03-16T19:24:29.061-07:00True ColorsI think I've mentioned this at one point or another on here, but I'm not very good with colors. Another way to put it is unless something is super bright, I probably have no clue what color it is. Another was to say it is red/green colorblindness, but that's a pretty <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dumb</span> name. First, it makes it seem like it's just red and green (it isn't) and the 'blindness' part makes it seem like a big deal, and it really isn't. So that's why I just like to say I'm not really good with colors. Like it's calculus or driving or something. <div><br /></div><div>Not being good with colors is a big deal when you're a kid. For some reason, there's a great deal of emphasis on the color spectrum in school from ages 5-10. I really don't understand this. Everyone says that we're falling behind the rest of the world in math and science. Nobody says we don't know our colors. I happened to go to one of the few elementary schools that had an art program. My art teacher thought I should be held back due to my inability to distinguish between primary colors. Well, that, and I think I was pretty bad at making clay pots too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Once the other kids found out that I can't distinguish between one color and another, the natural response was to point to pretty much everything and say "what color is this?" Now, if I was smart, I would've said something along the lines of '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">dumbass</span>, I clearly don't know...how is this a fun game?" but since I was younger and less cynical, I'd just say red or blue or something like that. It was usually wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>After elementary school, colors are less important. People think that matching clothes would be the hard part, but that's not really that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">difficult</span>. During high school I'd just buy what the manikin/catalog model was wearing. Then I just started asking the people in the stores. Most people who work in retail hate their job, but think that they know something about clothes. So I just say, what would you wear with this? That works pretty well. After watching a few years of what not to wear I've found that it really doesn't matter what colors you wear. Here is my fashion proof, based on this research:</div><div><br /></div><div>If you're attractive and you wear matching clothes = Classic Style. Elegant, Old H<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ollywood</span></div><div>If you're attractive and you wear clashing clothes = Fashion Forward or Bold fashion choices</div><div>If you're unattractive and you wear matching clothes = not a risk taker</div><div>If you're unattractive and wear clashing clothes = fashion disaster or hot mess</div><div><br /></div><div>Based on this <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">research</span> of E!, Us Weekly, and What Not To Wear, it seems like being attractive can make up for bad color choices, so I'll just focus on that from now on. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are some benefits to being bad with colors. Well, really only one that I can think of. Kate is currently painting a couple of rooms. Because I can't tell the difference in any of the color finalists, I get to sit out of the vote. I got to pick out a color once at our old house. I chose <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Spongebob</span> Blue (from the Nickelodeon Collection) for the 1/2 bath. Based on this decision, I'm no longer included in paint color decisions. Kate does keep saying "what do you think" with each wall/coat of paint. I've just been saying that it looks great. I'm not sure what the hell color it is, but it looks great.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-39773395059132303322009-03-11T18:35:00.000-07:002009-03-11T19:33:10.935-07:00The People on the TrailOur house backs up to a bike trail. Actually, people here call it 'the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">greenway</span>' but I think that's a dumb name. So I'll continue to call it a bike trail. Whatever you call it, you get the picture, right? It's a trail, where people run, and bike and walk their dogs. I spend a good deal of time on the trail. On most days, I'm probably out there 4-5 times. Usually a couple walks with Gilbert, a bike ride with Kate, and then a run by myself. I usually spend between 2-3 hours/day on the trail, which might sound excessive, but I used to spend that much time commuting. Anyway, my trail time gives me ample people watching time. <div><br /></div><div>People watching on the trail is perfect, especially when Kate's around. You get a good glimpse of someone, but since you're most likely traveling at different speeds or in different directions, it's just a quick glimpse. This is a really good thing for Kate, who likes to people watch as much as I do, but with her it usually turns into people staring. Like it's some kind of sociological study, but she doesn't realize that there isn't any of that two-way mirror glass between her and her subject. So the general movement of people on the trail means that you get a good enough look, but can't get caught staring. All of this time out on the trail has led me to classify all of my fellow trail people into one of the following six categories:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Creepy Guys</span> - So I don't want to start out by scaring y'all. There aren't a whole lot of these. It's rare to see more than one on a given day. There's the guy who is always wearing jeans and a rugby shirt and carrying a baseball. Then there's the guy with the beard who talks to himself. I'd also put the people who have their own one of a kind workout equipment here. You know, people who are working out on something that looks like some kind of concept vehicle. I'm not sure if they bought it off of an infomercial or built it in their garage. Oh, and I'd probably put myself in this category as well. Not that I'm a dirt ball, but I certainly look the part. As mentioned earlier, I'm out there 4-5 times per day. It's pretty much the only time I leave the house, so in the morning, I'm usually rocking the plaid pajama pants, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hoodie</span>, white man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">afro</span>, and quasi-beard. It's a good look. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Moms</span> - Usually in their 30s. Either pushing kids in a stroller or walking their dogs. They never travel alone. I've found that there are usually 3 of them in a group. They always manage to take up the ENTIRE width of the trail. They only do this between 10 AM - 2 PM. I think they consider this to be Mom time on the trail. If you're out exercising during these hours during the week, then you're on their turf. From what I can hear (I listen to their conversations while trying to get past their human wall) they spend most of their time talking about other women. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Spandex Crew</span> - These are people who are actually using the trail for actual exercise. They don't all wear spandex, but many of them do. I guess I could fit into this group for 20-25% of my trail time. They rarely talk to other trail people, and get pretty annoyed at most of the other groups for doing things like the mom wall described above.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Rockwells</span></span> - These are the perfect families. You see more of them on the weekends. I actually don't mind having the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Rockwells</span> out there, with their awesome jogging strollers or little pull behind the bike buggy thing that sort of looks like a tent. My only knock on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Rockwells</span> is that little kids are really bad at riding their bikes in a straight line. Their mom and dad are usually up ahead with the little baby in the pull behind thing, but the 4 year old is swaying from side to side, running into a creepy guy here and a group of moms there. Oh, and the Rockwell parents (Mom and Dad Rockwell) always make the same light deflecting accessory decisions. If Mom Rockwell is wearing a baseball hat, then Dad Rockwell is too. Same thing goes with sunglasses. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note</span> - I think I'm going to start doing some charity work where I teach little kids how to bike in a straight line. They already know how to ride their bikes by the time they get to my clinic, but I want to get them to stop swaying back and forth like a drunk cyclist. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">First Timers</span> - It's probably not their first time ever on a bike path/<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">greenway</span>, but it's also not something that they do four times a day (or even four times a year). You can usually spot them based on their attire (running in Khakis, a bike with visible dust on it, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">rollerblades</span> because they didn't realize there are gravel parts of the trail). They are also the most likely to do a walk/run. Mostly just walking, but then running when someone that they know or think they know is approaching. These are usually the best for people watching, and most likely to be by the side of the trail nursing some injury after you make the turnaround. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Old People</span> - Old people on the trail are awesome. They usually aren't out there for any particular reason. They aren't trying to get from point A to point B. They just don't have anything else to do. Lots of them have binoculars and look at birds. They stop and talk to me and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Gilbert</span> when we approach. Sometimes they have dog treats in their pocket. Yes, you heard me correctly...they don't have a dog but carry dog treats in their pocket...how awesome is that? I guess that's sort of a life goal for me. Once I can walk down the trail with dog treats (and no dog) but be viewed as a harmless old person instead of a creepy guy, then I know I've made it. Old people on the trail always travel in groups of two or groups of 10+. Actually, I guess that could be said about old people in general. It seems like it's always a couple, or a massive tour group. Except for when you pass a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Buick</span> on the interstate. There are always two big white perms in the backseat. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Nevermind</span>. That theory about either 2 or 10+ isn't very good.</div><div><br /></div><div>So those are the people that I spend all of my time with these days. Next time you're on a bike trail, you can try to put people into each of my categories as they walk by. Or, if I missed some, please let me know. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-77191886653003791072009-03-09T18:01:00.000-07:002009-03-09T19:20:02.422-07:00Feeling My Oats<div>I've had an on again, off again relationship with Oatmeal. If Oatmeal and I had a relationship on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Facebook</span>, it would probably be classified as 'it's complicated'. That's saying something, because I really hate that relationship status. I actually <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">de</span>-friend people who list their status as such. Anyway, back to my complicated relationship with Oatmeal. </div><div><br /></div><div>This relationship began early in life. I think it had something to do with me really liking Wilford <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Brimley</span>. So because of my affinity for Cocoon, warm breakfast, and all things <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Brimley</span>, I began spending time with Quaker Instant Oats in elementary school. Typically it was the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Cinnamon</span> and Spice flavor. I don't really know what 'spice' it was. They weren't really specific about that, but I didn't care. Then I found <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Cap'n</span> Crunch, so Oatmeal and I were on a break. The Captain was fun and exciting, and I was young and stupid. Sure, Oatmeal and I would still talk every once in a while, but it just wasn't the same. We weren't really exclusive, so we just sort of drifted apart. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Oatmeal came back into my life in 2003. I discovered 'Oatmeal For Women' by Quaker and fell in love instantly. It was Vanilla <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Cinnamon</span>, and it was beautiful. I loved everything about this Oatmeal makeover, and it was like we had never been apart. Now I'm not really sure what made it 'for women' to begin with. I convinced myself that it was just some marketing ploy, and eating it every morning wouldn't actually turn me into a woman. I actually started eating my lady oats right around the time that I met Kate, and it didn't scare her away, which was something. She didn't get jealous either.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then something terrible happened. My blue boxes with the feminine font stopped showing up in the breakfast cereal aisle at my local grocery store. So then I thought it was just my grocery store. I traveled to other grocery stores, but it was nowhere to be found. Just like that, they were gone. No note. No phone call. Nothing. I just looked online and some guy (or, more likely, some woman) is selling a box of lady oats for $24 on Amazon. I'm thinking about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>So after getting abandoned like this by my lady oats, Oatmeal and I broke up again. This time I thought it was for good. Oatmeal had it's chance, and then left me. So I ran back to the Captain and found comfort in his delicious <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">crunch berries</span>. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then we moved to Charlotte and began hanging out with Matt and Kath. My friend <a href="http://www.katheats.com">Kath</a> is sort of an Oatmeal evangelist. She is single <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">handily</span> bringing back this breakfast treat. Not the instant kind, but old school, cooked on the stove with water AND milk (and plenty of other stuff). Her blog even has a 'Tribute to Oatmeal' section. I wonder what the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">YIFY</span> 'tribute' page could be. Probably something about television. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I was skeptical at first about this whole cooked Oatmeal thing, mostly because I don't really cook. I do grill stuff, but I don't think I can grill Oatmeal. So that's strike one. Also, Oatmeal (done right) takes a little bit more prep time than my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Cap'n</span> Crunch. Two strikes. Throw in my complicated history with its instant cousin, and I thought that was that. But Kath was persistent. She's all, 'oh, you should really try it' which sounded a lot like 'you should meet my friend, and I'm not going to let it go until you go on at least one date.' So I decided to give it a shot. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>My first date with this new Oatmeal was a double date. Matt and Kath came over to my house to help me through the awkward first encounter. Kath cooked and I paid attention. Sort of. Me and the new Oatmeal really hit it off. I stayed sort of full until noon and I could mix in enough ingredients to make it taste good. I'm trying to come up with a dating analogy for that last sentence, but all I can come up with is something about Oatmeal looking pretty hot after a few beers, and that just sounds inappropriate. So forget that I even said that. Next it was time for our first date together. I wasn't completely ready to be alone with Oatmeal, so I brought my laptop with me. Kath has an instructional video on her blog about how to cook Oatmeal, so I put that on one of the burners, while I made my oats on the other burner. Did I mention that I'm a huge nerd? Oatmeal didn't care. She doesn't judge me. </div><div><br /></div><div>So now Oatmeal and I have a date every morning. Oatmeal and I have gone on vacation in six states in the past couple of months. We'll even rendezvous in the hotel restaurant or the airport food court. I'm not ashamed of this relationship anymore. Kate is very accepting of this relationship. She's not quite as head over heals with Oatmeal as I am, but she rarely turns down a bowl as long as I'm doing the cooking.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now it's only been a couple of months, and I don't want to get ahead of myself. I've had my heart broken by Oatmeal in the past, and I don't know if I can go through that again. But I feel like we're in a really good place right now and hopefully we'll be spending many more mornings together. </div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-2767378895424760932009-03-05T19:14:00.000-08:002009-03-05T19:52:03.934-08:00Mo Technology, Mo ProblemsI'm back in Charlotte now, and back in a blogging mood. Coming back from Indy (and actually not being in my house for about a week) gave me tonight's topic. <div><br /></div><div>My family always traveled quite a bit when I was growing up. Both of my parents were teachers, so we'd have nice breaks for summers, holidays, and random fake holidays. These were <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">usually</span> hardcore <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">road trips</span> across the country in a minivan. I'll always remember the feeling of pulling back into the driveway after vacation. I was always bummed to be back home (because it usually meant going back to school the next day), but I'd always find the silver lining of "oh, at least we can check the mail and the answering machine." It was like catching up on a week's worth of life in about five minutes. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was reminded of this when I came back to Charlotte. I had been gone for six nights, spent the night in five different hotels, flew 6,000 miles, drove 600 more and there was really nothing to check. We don't have an answering machine. We actually haven't had a land line in five years. Aside from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Netflix</span>, there's never anything in the mailbox that needs our immediate attention. Bills are paid online automatically. News is on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">internet</span>. Email is on my phone. So now there's no really potential positive excitement feeling when we're coming back from a trip. Which means all we're left with is 'man, it would really suck if our house burned down.' I'd really like to balance that irrational fear out with something like 'maybe Ed McMahon left a message on my answering machine.'</div><div><br /></div><div>So I guess that's my long-winded way of saying there seems to be both good and bad that comes from pretty much every technological advance. I'm by no means a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ludite</span>, but I can find a downside to pretty much every technological advance. Maybe that makes me a pessimist. Oh well. Here are a few others:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Social Networking</span></div><div>Pros - Great time waster. Good way to share pictures. Fantastic way to keep in touch without really talking to someone else.</div><div>Cons - Highly addictive, stalking potential, not good when you're looking for a job<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">DVR</span></span></div><div>Pros - Watch more TV in less time - what's not to love?</div><div>Cons - Makes watching 'regular speed' television pretty much impossible. Also miss some pretty fantastic commercials</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">iPod</span>/MP3/Kindle</span></div><div>Pros - Allows for mass quantities of music or books to be portable</div><div>Cons - You sort of forget about the tactile qualities of books and music. Both when you're buying something, and then after you buy and really like something. It just isn't the same.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Garmin</span></span></div><div>Pro - You're never really lost, which is pretty fantastic</div><div>Con - I'm not only a worse driver since getting a GPS system, but my sense of direction has also regressed. I've lived in Charlotte for six months or so, and I still turn the damn thing on when I'm driving downtown. It's a complete crutch.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's all I have time for this evening. If you can think of some more technological advances and want to list some pros and cons, go for it. I think pretty much every new gadget or communication channel has some downside. Except Email. Oh, and blogs. No downside with either of those.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-73441723022884576652009-03-02T19:05:00.000-08:002009-03-02T20:01:03.383-08:00Mad as HellNo, I'm not mad. It seems like everyone around me was mad today, so I just thought I'd write about people getting upset and loud for stupid reasons.<div><br /></div><div>See, it was a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">YIFY</span> travel day. San Francisco to Indianapolis by way of Charlotte. That might not make much sense to anyone with a grasp of US Geography, but there is a method to my madness. The second half of Kate's Valentine's Day gift was that she wouldn't have to drive back from her winter home in Indianapolis with all of her worldly possessions (I'd do it for her). So we flew from San Francisco to Charlotte, then she got off the plane in Charlotte and I continued on to Indy to pack up her independent senior apartment and haul her stuff across the country. I think that Kate secretly likes this half of her gift better than <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Napa</span>.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note</span> - I'm guessing the front desk at the Senior Center will be getting some calls later tonight when a large man starts packing up one of the senior apartments at about 11:00 PM. Oh, the ladies are going to have a field day with this one at bingo tomorrow night. Maybe they'll think that the nice lady in the apartment got evicted or something. I'm gonna miss this place.</div><div><br /></div><div>So today had all the makings of a travel day that would make people freak out. A nice winter snowstorm all along the East Coast, including places like Charlotte where people don't know how to deal with bad weather. Tons of flight delays and cancellations. Here are a few of my favorite airport <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">freakouts</span>.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1. Guy who just bought a $5 coffee before going through the security line</span>. I really enjoy watching people who stop at the Starbucks right outside of the terminal area and then proceed to the security line without even taking a sip. Apparently they haven't flown for the last eight years and don't realize that you can't bring any liquids through security. I intentionally get behind these people in line because it's a cheap form of entertainment that goes something like this:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TSA</span> Agent: Sir, you're going to have to get rid of that before you come through security</div><div>Idiot [looking shocked]: What? What do you mean?</div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">TSA</span> Agent: Sir, you're not allowed to bring beverages through the security checkpoint</div><div>Idiot [looking disgusted]: But. I just bought it.</div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">TSA</span> Agent: I'm sorry sir</div><div>Idiot [under his breath]: Why do they put a Starbucks there if I can't take it with me?</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2. Guy behind me [behind idiot] in security line</span>. Since I always try to get behind this guy in the security line, I know that I'm in for an extra two minute wait before my x-ray/security striptease. Both because of the coffee discussion that I know is coming, as well as the fact that the guy who didn't get the memo about no liquids probably also doesn't know to take off his shoes, belt, and laptop before going through security. And if he does know this, then he probably left his boarding pass in one of the articles of clothing that he just removed, so he'll have to go through the metal detector twice. Now this doesn't really bother me. I mean, I basically got behind him just for the entertainment value, so I knew it was coming. But this does always piss someone off...usually the guy behind me. Guy behind me just can't believe that anyone wouldn't know the current rules and regulations. He sees me as a confidant, since I've got the security striptease down to a science, so he usually shares his frustrations with me:</div><div><br /></div><div>Guy Behind Me [annoyed]: Ugh, can you believe this?</div><div>Me [playing along]: What's that?</div><div>Guy: This idiot in front of you...has he ever flown before</div><div>Me [still playing along]: Why is that?</div><div>Guy: Well he didn't know you had to [insert <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">TSA</span> requirement here] before going through security</div><div>Me [lying]: That's my uncle</div><div>Guy: Oh, well. Sorry. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3. Family whose flight has been delayed</span>. Now I'll admit that flight delays can be annoying. But I can guarantee that there is not a single person at the airport who can do anything about your flight delay, so it really doesn't do any good to get cranky at the lady at the desk. Missing connections does indeed suck, but it happens. Also, if your 5:00 PM flight from Charlotte to Indy gets delayed until 6:30, what do you have to get upset about? If you're flying to Indy, you clearly don't have a connection. Nobody is juy flying through Indy. So you're going to get there at 8:00 instead of 6:30. I'm sorry that you missed Jeopardy, but you'll still be home in time for The Bachelor. As long as you don't have to spend the night in an airport, just calm down. Or let me know if you're going to freak out, because I'd like to watch. After the misguided <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">freakout</span> to the lady at the gate, I usually like to go up and say something nice to her. Just because it must really suck to have people complain about something you have no control over and not be able to provide anything close to a satisfactory answer. Either that, or I tell the freaking out family some made up story that makes them <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">embarrassed</span> about their tirade. Usually something like:</div><div><br /></div><div>"Yeah, I know what you mean, I was supposed to be on the flight at 6:00 AM, and I've been here for the last 12 hours."</div><div><br /></div><div>or</div><div><br /></div><div>"Well, now I've already missed my connecting flight. I was supposed to go to Moscow tonight, and now I'll be stuck in the states for an extra two days."</div><div><br /></div><div>The latter only works if it's the type of person who doesn't realize that you can't fly from Indianapolis to Moscow, so it works about 75% of the time.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Honorable Mention Travel <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Freakouts</span>:</span></div><div>A. Person who gets upset when the flight lands but has to wait on the tarmac for 5 minutes while the previous flight clears the gate.</div><div>B. Person who boards flight late (usually with <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">McDonald's</span> bag in tow) only to find that there isn't room for their massive carry-on right above their seat</div><div>C. Person who tries to use the bathroom during takeoff only to get sent back to their seat by the flight attendant</div><div><br /></div><div>I really enjoy C. There are few things more demeaning than being told that you have to hold it. Makes you feel like you're back in Kindergarten. </div><div><br /></div><div>So there you have it. Most of you who know me probably know that I don't really <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">freakout</span> very often. I usually just turn into a bigger <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">smartass</span> than I already am. Or, if I feel that I have been slighted and need some form of retribution, I usually just tell the service person that because of reason X, I don't think I'm going to pay for Y. You'd be amazed how often that works. If you're at a hotel and you don't have hot water in your shower, when you check out, just say that you just don't think you're going to pay the 'resort fee' on account of there not being hot water. Or if a waitress screws up your order, just say that a beer on the house will help you forget the mix-up. Most hospitality type workers are just trying to avoid conflict, so giving them an easy out usually works. Sure, you could demand to speak to a manager or something like that, but then you're talking to someone who only hears people complain all day. So I just like to suggest that I won't pay for something to the front line employee and then go on my way. They get the feeling of successfully avoiding conflict and you get the feeling that you won the argument without having to argue.</div><div><br /></div><div>Alright, time to pack up the senior apartment and go to bed. Cohabitation begins again tomorrow, which should provide plenty of BlogFodder.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-91841599084501816842009-02-28T20:24:00.000-08:002009-02-28T21:02:34.433-08:00YIFY Goes SidewaysHi friends. Sorry that it's been like a week since I've posted. I bet some of you thought this blog was going to take another six month <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sabbatical</span>, didn't you? I'll never do that to you again, I promise.<div><br /></div><div>So your friends at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">YIFY</span> are now in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Napa</span> Valley. We're about a day and a half and ten wineries into our wine country experience, so Kate is asleep for the night. I don't really know what to write about tonight, so I guess I'll just write about wineries and some other things that are going on here. First for the other things:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Virgin America</span> - The best airline in the history of the world. Ever. Yes, this includes Pan Am back in the day when Leo from Catch Me if You Can was flying for free. I'm telling you, there is no better travel experience than Virgin America. The flight attendants actually have fun. Not just acting like they're having fun (Southwest). I think it has something to do with everyone on the plane being incredibly happy. Probably because they're on a Virgin America flight - equipped with fancy technology <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">console</span>, seat that reclines all the way back, and sort of techno dance music. I encourage all friends of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">YIFY</span> to go to one of the five or so cities that have Virgin America flights, and book a flight to one of their other destinations - just to enjoy the flight. </div><div><br /></div><div>Okay. Enough for the Virgin America sales pitch. Now, my insights about Wine Country and Wine People.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1. Everyone who has ever been to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Napa</span> Valley has recommendations</span>. For those of you who haven't been there, you may not know that there are like 200 wineries in about a 20-mile area. You basically can't go down the highway without running into a winery every quarter mile (or less). So it can be a little overwhelming to a first timer. This isn't my first time here, but I wasn't really in a note-taking mood the last time I came here. And by that I mean that I went golfing before wine tasting and was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">overserved</span> before setting foot in a winery. I'm classy like that. Anyway, whenever I'd tell someone that I was coming out here, they'd get super excited (if they have been here) and then say something like, "You HAVE to go to [winery 1], [winery 2], and maybe [winery 3] if you have time. I have to admit that I did ask a bunch of friends for recommendations, basically to see if there was any overlap.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2. These Recommendations are Sometimes Good</span>. So Kate and I went to about 6 or 7 wineries today and a few others last night. Most of these were ones that one of our friends had recommended. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Now's</span> the part of the post where I thank my friends for their help:</div><div> </div><div>Ami - nice work on Rubicon (although I probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">should've</span> remembered going there previously). </div><div>Annette - good call on St. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Supery</span>.</div><div> Natalie - good call on Sterling.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you gave me recommendations and don't see your name listed above, you should really think about what you did. Just kidding. I'm sure whatever you recommended was great and I loved it. Yeah, we'll go with that.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3. These recommendations rarely have anything to do with wine.</span> Since there are a couple hundred wineries in the area, and most people are only here for a couple of days, I don't think anyone has actually been to every winery here. Even the guy who was pouring my wine said he had been here for twenty years but still hasn't been to every winery. So for most people, they are recommending some subset of what they have been to. Probably about the top 40-60% of the wineries that they went to when they visited. So if someone went to five wineries when they were here, they'll probably list their favorite two or three wineries as 'must see.' Well that's great, but their sample size isn't quite large enough for them to be considered an expert. Oh well.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">4. It doesn't tell how much wine I drink, I still don't know anything about it</span>. So the guy pouring the wine always says really obscure things to me and I don't know what he's talking about. Something like "this chardonnay spent 16 months in oak barrels, and then four months in stainless barrels." How the hell am I supposed to respond to that? "Oh, I can tell" or, "man that sucks for the wine, I bet it didn't like being in the barrel for all that time."</div><div><br /></div><div> Oh, and then they come up with a bunch of flavors that I'm supposed to be able to taste. Like 'think dark chocolate and raspberry when it's on the front of your tongue, and then prime rib when it's on the back of your tongue.' What the hell does that mean? It tastes like wine to me. Not chocolate or steak. Although I like those too. Anyway, all I really know about wine is whether or not I like it (based on taste). I don't know why I like something, or whether or not I'll like it before I try it, but I can tell after a drink. Years of wine drinking, and that's all I've got.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">5.</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Wine makes Kate sleepy.</span> Come to think of it, it sort of makes me sleepy too. So we're done here. Have a good night, and thanks for those recommendations. You know who you are.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8227997110744537949.post-67887307551034944382009-02-24T20:33:00.000-08:002009-02-24T21:22:13.062-08:00Mr. [insert last name] Goes To WashingtonYeah, that title would've been better if I was allowed to use my last name on the blog. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Dammit</span>, Kate. Anyway...I'm thinking about Washington quite a bit tonight. Couple of reasons for that. I'm leaving for Seattle tomorrow morning, and I was watching the state of the union earlier tonight. Yes, I realize that those are two different <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Washingtons</span>, but whatever. Tonight I'm thinking about what I wouldn't do if I was in congress, specifically at those State of the Union things. How depressing is that? Instead of coming up with a list of stuff that I would do if I was a Senator/Congressman (<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">health care</span>, education, whatever), I'm instead thinking about what I wouldn't do so that I wouldn't look like an ass on national television. Here we go<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1. I wouldn't get the president's autograph after his speech</span>. Nobody over the age of 17 should ever ask another adult for an autograph. Don't care who it is. Ever. I've thought this for quite some time. I think the first time I thought this was at a Reds Spring Training game in Plant City, Florida. I was probably 12 and some old guy cut in front of me to get Eric Davis' autograph. I've thought of this guy and the way that he cut in front of me every time that I see an adult asking another adult for an autograph. For like the last 16 years. And then tonight I saw a bunch of Congressman/Senators asking the President for his autograph. If I am so honored to represent you, I promise to not be an old guy asking another man for his autograph.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Note:</span> I don't really care what your politics are here. This is a safe place for everyone. I'm not really sure if the autograph seekers were Democrats, Republicans, or otherwise. They were a bunch of old white men, but that doesn't really narrow it down.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2. I wouldn't be the first to stand a clap</span>. I don't see any real benefit in being the first one at these things to stand up and clap for what the President says. There's not much of an upside here, but plenty of downside. If you stand and clap at the wrong time (i.e. you're the only one) you pretty much look like an idiot. I'd follow the same rule that I use for standing at concerts or sporting events. I don't stand unless the person or people in front of me stands up.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3. I wouldn't wear a Sweater Dress</span>. This one is sort of a no-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">brainer</span>, since I don't even have a sweater dress. I just wanted to highlight the fact that Nancy <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Pelosi</span> was wearing a sweater dress tonight. Well, maybe she wasn't, but it sure looked like it. I promise I wouldn't do this. This is sort of like the autograph thing. I don't really think a sweater dress is age appropriate. I'm going to run this one by my friend who has a fashion blog, but I'm pretty sure about this one. I probably wouldn't wear a sweater either. I think I'd probably just wear a suit.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">4. I wouldn't give the opposition response speech after the State of the Union.</span> This is another no-win situation. If the president gives a good speech, then the opposition speech always seems like a real <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">debbie</span> downer. If the president gives a bad speech, then everyone has already changed the channel to a network that isn't covering the speech, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">nobody is</span> going to hear you anyway. Also, the fact that the opposition response speech is immediately after the actual state of the union, the knee-jerk response of the viewing public is 'hey, this guy probably didn't even pay attention...he was thinking about/writing his speech." So there's no way this could end well, so I wouldn't do it. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Editor's Tangent</span> - For those of you who watch 30 Rock and watched the Republican response tonight, the best observation that I heard is that Bobby <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Jindal</span> sounded like Kenneth the Page during his response speech. Anytime you compare someone to Kenneth the Page, it's an awesome comparison.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">5. I wouldn't fall asleep during the speech.</span> They always cut away to the Senator/Congressman that dozes off during these things. Dude, the speech is like an hour long. How the hell do you fall asleep. I'm laying on a couch during this thing and I can stay awake. You're actually there. You know the camera is going to zoom in on you if you sleep. Honestly. Speaking of sleep, boarding starts in about 6 hours, so I should probably go to bed.</div>Natehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10902641133832711287noreply@blogger.com3