Life Imitates Blog

Well hello there. I told you I was going to blog more this week. Twice in one week > no times in two weeks. Unfortunately I've only left the house once in the past 72 hours. I've gone for a couple of runs, but that doesn't really count. Although I did see a lady on the trail walking her birds. While they were in their cages. That's probably blogworthy. Maybe next time. Anyway, my hermit lifestyle (Kate is traveling this week) makes it very difficult to find material for a 'random stuff that happens in the day' blog. But lucky for you I did leave the house yesterday to buy oatmeal and dishwasher detergent. And even luckier for you, I went during peak hours at the grocery store, so I had plenty of time to read (or scan the cover) of Us Weekly.

It has been well documented that I love celebrity gossip as much as the next girl. I have even developed a trustworthiness hierarchy for my celebrity gossip. For print gossip, it goes something like this:

National Enquirer - Most likely not true, but who doesn't love pictures of 200lb babies?

OK/Star - 20% Chance for Truth

Us Weekly and People - Some truth to whatever they are saying

Time/Newsweek/Other Grown Up Magazines - Probably accurate, but only going to read it at a doctors office or when I'm visiting my parents.

Most of my online sources (Perez, TMZ) probably fall into the same category as OK/Star. 

So while I was buying my oats and Cascade, I had some extra time to read the cover of Us Weekly. The cover story was something about Jon from Jon and Kate Plus Eight allegedly having an affair. Long time readers will remember a post that I did about spinoffs for reality shows. I think the one that I came up for Jon and Kate Plus Eight was going to be Jon Minus Nine - where it was him running away from his wife who clearly hates him, and sitting alone in a dark one bedroom apartment. Based on the fact that this story has gone up the gossip magazine food chain from the OK/Star level to the Us Weekly level, I feel like my spinoff might become a reality show reality (hence the post title). Does that make me a prophet or just someone who watches too much reality television?

Anyway, when Kate called me today, the majority of our phone conversation was about Jon Minus Nine. She also asked me about Gilbert and whether or not I have been bathing since she left. Then we started talking about all of the other reality show couples that didn't end so well. There was a streak there a few years back when everyone who had an MTV reality show ended up divorced..

Nick and Jessica on Newlyweds - Great while it lasted. Everyone loves a train wreck.

Travis and Shanna on Meet the Barkers - I met them, then they got divorced.

Carmen Elektra and Dave Navarro on Til Death Do Us Part - Probably not the best title.

And that doesn't even count the Osbournes. I'm pretty sure Ozzy had an affair with Charles Shaw for during season 3.

So I'm not sure if the story with Jon and Kate is true or not. I'll have to wait and see if it shows up in a grown up magazine.  And for that, I'll have to wait until I go to visit my parents or go to a Barnes and Noble. All I know is that Kate and I decided not to have a reality show about our marriage. This blog will have to do.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Hi Friends,

I have to apologize. I have been neglecting you. 2 weeks without posting is not cool. Not cool at all. My blogging friends sometimes say that their blog is like their baby, and it needs constant attention. Apparently I think this blog is like a cat, and I can just throw some food out and go on vacation. 2 weeks is even long by cat standards. But then again, I don't really like cats, so there you go. I'll try to do better now. Maybe something like three posts a week. We'll see how that goes.

I should have a couple posts lined up in my head. I just got back from a road trip to Tampa. For those of you who aren't so good with geography, Tampa and Charlotte are not very close to each other. I drove about 19 hours this weekend. By myself. In addition to singing along with every Taylor Swift song and watching the televisions in the minivans in front of me, I probably came up with a few things that are YIFY-worthy. The first one should be pretty easy...

Why did I drive 19 hours this weekend?

It was my friend Natalie's 30th birthday. Natalie is one of our really good friends from when we lived in Jacksonville. Her husband Joe threw her a party, so that's what I was doing down there. And if you're wondering why the unnecessary name-dropping - Natalie told me that she likes it when she and Joe are featured on the blog, so there ya go.

But 30 is a big deal. Maybe it's just because I am fast-approaching my own 30th, but it seems like it is worth a long drive. I also drove back to Indianapolis for RJ's birthday, so this isn't a first time thing for me.

I'm not going to lie. One of the reasons why I made the drive is because I got an Evite. I don't know what it is about those things, but I just can't say no. It doesn't matter where it is or what it is. If there is an Evite, I am probably going to show up. So from Columbia to Hilton Head, I came up with my reasons why I respond 'yes' to 98% of Evites that I receive.

1. It shows some level of effort. If someone takes the time to send out an Evite, it means there is almost no chance that the party is going to fall through. I have yet to have an Evite party cancelled. Also, if they put in the required effort to send out the Evite, there is a high probability that the other necessary party plans will receive attention. The food is usually better, the games more enjoyable, and the beer more plentiful when there is an Evite - as opposed to parties that rely on word of mouth or random email invite. This was certainly the case at Natalie's party - there were steak tacos, cornhole, and even leftover beer at the end of the night.

2. You can screen the potential guest list and make an informed decision. So if you don't like a particular friend of the host, then you can wait to see if s/he is invited/accepts before making your decision. In most cases, said person is a non-responder, or responds with maybe. Then it's sort of a judgement call, but it's still nice to know the guest list before committing. 

3. There just isn't really a good way to respond no. I think Evite responses should be 5 words or less. Anything more than that, you're either going into too much detail about why you can't come, you're trying too hard to be funny, or you're responding with some inside joke that most of the other Evitees aren't going to understand. Keeping a yes response to five words or less is pretty easy. I usually stick with "looking forward to it" or "wouldn't miss it." Nothing too original or creative, but it gets the point across. It's more difficult with 'no' responses - so maybe that's why I can't decline an Evite. The most common no response (As I approach 30) is something like "sorry, got the kids" or something like that. Which is basically another way of saying "attending your party is not worth the cost of a babysitter to me." Other people frequently respond with their other plans. Something like "sorry we can't make it, it's date night with me and (insert spouse name)." I don't know if it's because they want to 'prove' that they have other plans, or just think that the only person who can read the response is the Eviter. And if you just respond with something like "sorry...can't make it" you just sound like a dick. This is what goes through my head every time I get an Evite. I can't say no because I don't think there's a good way to say no. 

And don't even get me started on the 'maybe' response option. Maybe can only mean one of two things:

1. I might show up if nothing better comes up between now and then

2. I can't think of a good excuse right now

So there you go. It was a pretty long drive, so I should have more to write about later this week. I won't treat you guys like cats anymore. Unless I find a laser pointer.