My Cliché Beat Up Your Honor Student

I love bumper stickers. All of them. I've come up with five categories of bumper stickers. Each one has a special place in my heart.

Cause Stickers - This includes political causes, social causes, religious causes and ribbons. Ribbons probably deserve their own post, so we'll save those for another time. So anyway, back to cause stickers. I don't really get it. Do people change their opinions on important issues because of what they see on the back of a car? So I used to be pro choice and then the sticker told me that abortion stops a beating heart. Does that really happen? If so, does it make a different what type of car the sticker is on? Maybe one day I'll believe in a cause enough to tattoo my car. I especially like the obscure cause stickers, like "I have an Autistic Son AND I VOTE." I guess that one is a warning to all of you political candidates who are running on an anti-autism platform. You know who you are.

Inherited Stickers - You'll typically see these on older cars. Faded stickers that don't match the driver of the car. Like a Tigger-jacket-wearing mom with two small kids in a Dodge Neon and a sticker that says "My Son and My Money Go To Florida State University." I understand that stickers can be difficult to remove, but I believe that cleaning products have come a long way in the past couple of decades. At least that's what the infomercials tell me.

Dated Stickers - Usually in support of a political candidate who has already left office or a band that broke up years ago. I don't personally know anyone with one of these stickers, but I think I'd like to meet one. People who live in the past are fun.

Pride Stickers - Something about kids or membership in a club or group. Without knowing the honor roll criteria at every elementary school in the area, I'm not exactly sure what level of accomplishment this is for your son or daughter.

Trash Stickers - Honk for finger, Get off my ass, Calvin pissing on anything. Whatever you want to put on your car is fine, but you just don't see these stickers in the valet lot. I'm just sayin.