Sunday, June 1, 2008

Two Kinds of People

I read a lot of Cosmo. Oh, and Glamour. I do this on the off chance that Kate buys one of these (rarely) or when I'm waiting in line at Wal-Mart. Some people might be embarrassed to read Cosmo while waiting in line at Wal-Mart. If you are one of these people, just look at the other people waiting in line. Your secret is probably safe.

Side note #1 - How are these magazines socially acceptable? They're pretty much female porn without the pictures. Just read the cover if you're too embarrassed to read the articles. Just on the cover, you'll find teasers about your moan zone, what he likes in the sack, and how it's okay to sleep with your boss. These things should have the plastic cover on them. But then I guess I wouldn't be able to read them at Wal-Mart. Nevermind. They're harmless.

Side note #2 - If you're a 28 year old male, people give you a strange look if you're reading People or Cosmo. If you're reading Cosmo Girl or Teen People, then it's a little creepy. This is sort of ironic, since the actual content of the tween versions are much less graphic, but I guess it's because Miley Cyrus is on the cover. She's always on the cover.

So back to Cosmo. I have many favorite parts, but if I had to pick just one, it would be the quiz/testing section. Maybe it's because I like numbers, or maybe it's something else. Either way, these things are great. For those of you who haven't read Cosmo (or want to pretend like you never have) you basically have 10 multiple choice questions. After answering these 10 questions, you add up your score, and then go to the corresponding table to find out what outlandish statement the editors of Cosmo use to classify people with similar scores. 0-12 = You're a dead fish. 13 - 20 = You should leave your husband and sleep with the pool boy. 21 - 35 = You should quit your job. You get the idea.

I've decided to come up with a YIFY compatibility test. After completing this test, you'll know if you're compatible with RJ's posts, my posts, or both. There should probably be four options for each question, but I'm already procrastinating as it is, so we'll have to settle for two. For each question that you answer A, give yourself one point, and B's are worth 2 points.

Question 1: What is your idea of a perfect weekend?
A. Going to an art museum on Friday, an open water swim on Saturday, and doing a crossword puzzle during breakfast at Bob Evans on Sunday.
B. Eating Pizza, Drinking Beer, and Watching sports on TV. All weekend.

Question 2: When someone brings up politics, you
A. Say that you're independent, bring up one harmless issue, and show that you know what you're talking about while still making it clear that you really don't want to talk about politics.
B. Make a smartass comment that will probably offend the other person, even though you know you shouldn't. And then make the conversation more awkward by somehow bringing up religion.

Question 3: When you meet a new coworker, you
A. Make an effort to introduce yourself. Give the new person the benefit of the doubt, and invite them to do something, somewhere.
B. Avoid an introduction. Make it known that you don't like change, and start with the opinion that the new person is an idiot. This way you can only be pleasantly surprised if the person is good at their job, and you'll look like a genius if the turn out to be an idiot.

Question 4: When someone mentions Indianapolis, you
A. Talk about all of the great local spots, offer recommendations, and probably invite them to do something, somewhere.
B. Say the same inappropriate things that you brought up in the political discussion, and mention again that you're moving.

Question 5: When a coworker asks you to grab a beer after work, you
A. Think, sure, maybe I can stop by for one before I go do what it is that I was planning on doing tonight
B. Clear your schedule for the evening

What does this mean?
5 You should probably just read RJ's posts
6-9 Read all of our stuff
10 We should probably hang out
11+ Leave your husband and sleep with the pool boy


Al Iverson said...

Is this where I express my support for the Jesus?

bojengle said...

You missed the one asking whether you manage to bring up that you went to North Central with uncommon frequency.