Friday, April 10, 2009

This Week In Blogs, Volume III

Hi Everyone. Welcome to week 3 of the food blog review. Hopefully just one more post on this blog and then I’ll have a new one ready to go.
I have to confess that I didn’t spend too much time reading food blogs this week. Well, that’s sort of a lie…I didn’t spend as much time as I usually do reading food blogs this week (still would probably qualify as ‘too much’ depending on who you ask). So this week I relied on my lovely assistant, Kate, to take some blog notes for me.  Here’s how it worked-Kate would scribble something down that said “Heather Spinach Oats” and then I would have to decipher what that means and come up with something funny to write about it. Her notes sort of remind me of Russell Crowe’s crazy thoughts and paper scraps during ‘A Beautiful Mind.’ Here. We. Go. 

It was a very exciting week for Tina at Carrots ‘n’ Cake. Tina caught Mr. Mal eating Wendy’s in their apartment. Judging by the picture and my knowledge of the Wendy’s value menu, it looks like Mal went with the 5 piece chicken nugget, a junior bacon cheeseburger, and medium fries. Some excellent choices for sure. Unfortunately Mal made some poor decisions with the consumption strategy. First of all, you just can’t bring the food home. At home you have to worry about disposing of the evidence, as well the fast food smell that will linger for at least 24 hours. I’d recommend eating in the car. Now if you must eat at home, then I suggest adding a large chili to your order, which would make clean-up a little easier. You could stick the Nugget holder in the fries holder. The paper wrapper from the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger will fit in the nugget holder, and then the holders will fit nicely in the empty Chili container. You put the lid back on and then you’re good to go. Then even if you get busted and someone spots the evidence in the trash can, all she’ll see is the Chili cup, which isn’t so bad. Not that I’ve ever done that before, but I have a feeling that might work.

Heather at Heather Eats Almond Butter is getting a little carried away with the oatmeal toppings. Avocado? Raw Spinach? I just don’t think I can support these toppings in oats. This recent proliferation of spinach usage in the food blog world is reaching epidemic proportions. I’ve come up with the follow chart to assist food bloggers who aren’t sure when or where they should use spinach.

Places Where Spinach Should Be:
1. In a salad
2. In a dip with artichokes and cheese. Ideally at a casual dining establishment, complimented with pita chips and a large beer
3. At the grocery store
4. In a tin can in Popeye’s hand. So he can squeeze it into his mouth and get big and strong.

Places Where Spinach Should NOT Be:
1. In Smoothies
2. In Oatmeal

Spots 3 and 4 are reserved for next week. I’m sure someone will try to put spinach into something new. 

I don’t think I can talk about spinach in oatmeal anymore without losing my appetite, so I’m going to change the topic now... 

One thing that I like to do for fun is to see how many words I can spell with Heather's URL ( without rearranging the letters. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

First there are the easy ones: Heather, eats, almond, butter. 

But if you look closely, you’ll also see: wheat, heat, heath, at, the, there, salmon, alm, but,  and butt.

So if we just removed a few letters, it could actually be “Heat The Salmon Butt” which would be a pretty awesome blog name. 

Graduate Meghann held her online blogging bake sale this week. Now I know it was for a good cause or whatever, but I gotta say, those better be some damn good baked goods. When there were bake sales at my elementary school, I could get a couple cookies for a quarter or fifty cents. Whoa, that just made me sound really old, didn’t it? Like some kind of “back in my day” story from Grandpa Simpson or anyone over the age of 80 talking about walking in the snow (uphill both ways). Also, the legacy of the YIFY blog roundup is now complete, now that Derek’s 'Easter Bunny' label seems to have stuck. Better yet, he has gone from being THE Easter Bunny, to MY Easter Bunny. My work here is done. Oh, and VeggieGirl’s blondies went for $85/batch. Just think how much I could’ve driven up the bidding if only I would’ve received some samples. 

Get ready for it…here’s the first ever discussion of a non food blog. My friend Pinque is having her first every blog giveaway. She thinks her blog name is pronounced “Pink” but I’ve decided that it is ‘Pinky’  so that’s what I call her now. I’d like this nickname to stick, so if you comment on her blog, please start each comment by saying “Dear Pinky”. Thank you for your support. Anyway, Pinky is giving away a Vera Bradley purse. If you want to win, you better go register. If you’re reading this on Saturday or later, then you already missed it. But you should still go visit Pinky’s blog.  

Here’s my commentary on Vera Bradley. Kate had a stretch from 2005-2007 when she was convinced that she liked Vera Bradley stuff, but not enough to actually buy something. So for two years, every time we saw a store that sold Vera Bradley stuff, we had to stop so she could look at the exact same purses that she looked at last time. So I made at least 150 visits to a Vera Bradley retailer without a single purchase. Now I knew that she didn’t really like Vera Bradley stuff enough that she’d actually carry one of their purses, but I really, really didn’t want to ever go into another store. So I bought her the one for Christmas, knowing that she wouldn’t like it and would probably return it. That is exactly what happened. I haven’t had to go into another Vera Bradley store since. I consider this one of my finest moments. 

Kath reported yesterday that she contacted the tempeh people and that they confirmed that tempeh is safe to eat raw. Well that’s great, but she offered me raw tempeh two weeks ago. And there was no warning like “I’m not sure if this is safe to eat or not.” 

So I guess there were two steps in finding out if tempeh is safe to eat raw:

1. Feed it to Nate and see if he dies
2. Email the company and ask them

Am I wrong for thinking that we should switch those two steps around?

Stock Up
Wishing VeggieGirl a happy birthday. Were there any food blogs that did NOT give VeggieGirl a happy 21st? My birthday is next Thursday and I’m expecting the same level of bloglove

Raising Money for Charity. Between Meghann’s bake sale, Zesty’s shirts, and Jenna’s cookbook, the blogworld is really coming together – sort of “We are the world” style. So I think I should do my part. For every dozen baked goods that you send to my house, at least six will be donated to a local charity. I think we all know where the other six are going to go. Now if only Zesty’s shirt had a picture of his glorious bald head on it…

Foodbuzz Ads with Pictures of Chocolate. This one is a complete mixed signal. I mean the food blog is all about Kombucha and Spinach and FlaxWheySoyTempeh whatever, but then there’s an advertisement for chocolate. I’m confused. 

Stock Down 
Actually couldn’t think of any stock down this week, so I replaced it with the following segment…

Blog Names that Sort of Sound Like Porn

That’s all for this week. I wanted to write about The Chic LifeHangry Pants and Eating Bender, but I went on too many tangents so those will be in next week’s roundup for sure. We’ll do better next time



Anonymous said...

Hahaha, I think if there was anything really wrong with eating raw tempeh Gliding Clam would have let us know by now :-)

Sarah (lovINmytummy) said...

I'm honored by the mention. Truly.

Bown chicka bown bown...

Leanne said...

I seriously look forward to reading this every week!haha

Another great post.

Gen said...

I love the 'Heather Eats Almond Butter' word-breakdown. Made me laugh out loud at work :)

Maggie said...

Hahaha... I agree with you on the spinach. I tried the green monster and did NOT like it! I also do NOT like tempeh, but good to know it won't kill me if I did decide to eat it raw :P

Anonymous said...

Love the Heather Eats Almond Butter names. haha

Caitlin said...

Not that you won't hear...or read this a hundred times after this post...but you are hilarious. Really. I mean this is really funny. So thanks for making us laugh!

Anonymous said...

I'm seriously looking forward to seeing who fills spots 3 and 4 on the spinach list, because let's be honest, it's gunna happen.

Great post!

MaryBe said...

"Heat the Salmon Butt"? LOLOL!
I hate when a post makes me laugh out loud, then I have to try and explain to my husband why another man is making me giggle.

Laura said...

Every week you make me laugh out loud! Thank you!!!!

Meghan (Making Love In The Kitchen) said...

Yes, yes.... my blog name does sounds like porn and is confirmed by the really really creepy search teams people use that land them on my site. How disappointed they must be when they search "grandma making love" or "making with food" or the latest "coconut oil gonorrhea" and all they get is me cracking open a coconut- and that is not a metaphor for anything. Just me... cracking open a coconut.

Nate said...

Sarah - You're welcome. You earned it.

Meghan - I must admit that I logged out of my company VPN before googling your blog. Wasn't sure what was going to come up. Although I doubt true porn fans refer to it as 'making love.'

Jessica said...

Great post yet again, loved the "How to be Sneaky with Wendy's Technique"

Michelle said...

So I stumbled across your blog after finding it in someone else's comments section, and I pretty much just about peed myself laughing, even though I don't even know who half the people you talked about were. Plus, we have the same template. :) Thanks for the laugh, I will definitely be reading from now on.

BB said...

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Is it party time yet?..

RunToFinish said...

oh man i love these posts!

Anonymous said...

Nate your hilarious-I would also like to add bits and bobs and pickle freak to your list!-Monica-

Anonymous said...

Oh!_and snackface could totally be dirty!-Monica:)

Kath said...


"“Heat The Salmon Butt”" <---- love it.

Love the porn names.

Loved this whole post!

And I always thought it was safe to eat raw (or I wouldn't do it!) but some readers were the ones that made me question it!

Erin said...

LOL, I thought the SAME thing about Kath's tempeh posting...nice AFTER she fed it to people!


Good tips on the Wendy's. I'll have the hubz read it.

I give a resounding YES in support of your criticism of spinach in oats, or really anything breakfast adjacent (besides eggs). Honestly...

Adi ( said...

This series never fails to make me laugh! Thanks Nate!

Jennifer said...

Spinach does not belong #3 nominee: Brownies

Heather McD (Heather Eats Almond Butter) said...

I've been dying to make your weekly round-up...I'm truly honored, but now I must find out what else I could possibly add spinach to as I'm determined to fill in #'s 3 & 4....Heat the Salmon Butt...I like it. :)

Stephanie said...

I've got a stock up for you... Raw

Rawness? Rawlicious? Whatever you call it.

To be "in" in the food blog world you must now not only eat healthfully, but you're not allowed to cook anything.

This is getting intense.

Fancy said...

LOVE these posts! Keep them coming!!!

Danielle said...

That Grandpa Simpson thing made me laugh a little too much I was just thinking about the 5 bees for a quarter part of his story. Too funny.
I have often realized how dirty some blogs sound, perhaps I shouldn't be looking at these at work.
Once again this is hilarious!

Aimee said...

Keep these coming! I tried to put spinach in my husband's protein shake the other day and he was not amused.

Anne P said...

god i love this... this might be your best one yet. well done.

Anonymous said...

You've done it again :o) I love the way you found words out of Heather's URL. I'm pretty sure that the name of your new blog should be "Heat the Salmon Butt," but that's just me.

It's almost your birthday!

Thanks for the shout out - I am honored and very intrigued. I'll have to be on my best behavior this week, although I must warn you that as part of a salad challenge, my spinach usage is through the roof.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the earlier comment of "Spinach does not belong in brownies!" I have other nominees...yogurt and cereal. You know some of these bloggies are crazy enough to try it! :)