Today I heard a commercial for the Invention Submission Corporation. It was something about calling with all of your great ideas and then they would help you get a patent or something. I think they might somehow be affiliated with that guy who wears the suit with all of the question marks on it (Matthew Lesko) but I can't back that up. Anyway, I thought about calling them with all of my invention ideas, but then thought that A) what's going to stop them from stealing all of my ideas and B) Making a phone call...that seems like too much work. So instead I'll just use today's post as my invention submission corporation. If y'all want to steal my ideas, that's okay. I probably won't get around to doing whatever you need to do to make money off of inventions, and I'd rather they just get invented. So you can have the money, just send me a prototype or something. Here are my (your) inventions. I could probably use some help with some of the product names:
Electrocuting Baby Doll- Yeah, this one definitely needs a new name. So the basic premise of this one is that it's a baby doll that provides an electric shock when you touch it. Like a Cabbage Patch Kid with a taser built into it or something. It would have a couple of uses. The primary use would be for training dogs or other pets of expecting first time parents. Basically training the dog that it's not cool to touch the little humans. It wouldn't be such a strong shock that it would do any real harm to the dog, but enough to keep it from touching the baby again. Oh, and if you decide to steal this idea and then find out that the expectant parents with pets market isn't quite big enough to make a profit, I guess you could expand and maybe require all registered sex offenders to take one of the dolls as well. You could turn up the voltage for them. Their addresses are already online so you could just go door to door.
Screw-Off Chicken Bucket. So this one is basically just a screw-off bottom of the paper buckets that are used by KFC, Bojangles, and other fried chicken places (check local listings). Within the screw-off bottom, they would store plastic silverware, napkins, and maybe some plates. I just think it makes more sense to have this as part of the bucket, instead of requiring chicken buyers to take an extra bag just for napkins, silverware, and other things. Why not just put these things in a false-bottom, screw-off portion of the bucket itself? I think one of the reasons this one hasn't made it to market yet is because most people probably think there is a better overall chicken delivery system than the bucket. I mean, if the bucket went away, then so would the need for the yet to be developed screw-off bottom. It's one of the few foods that is delivered in bucket form. But I guess the bucket isn't really going anywhere, so you can borrow this idea and give it to KFC if you want.
Vibrating Television Remote - I guess it doesn't need to vibrate, it could beep or flash or something else. But we needed to call it something, so I'm going with vibrating television remote. Anyway, this one is for when you're switching between two television shows. I mean, one of them is obviously the primary show, but you've got a backup that you are switching to during commercials of the primary show. The vibrating television remote will notify you in some way when your primary show has returned from commercial break. This way you don't get caught up watching your secondary show and forget to return to your primary show. I know that you're probably going to say something about DVR or whatever, but think about it this way. The two TV show technique is often a trade off between two TV watchers. Take right now, for instance. I'm trying to watch the Steelers-Ravens Game, but Kate is not really interested. She wants to watch the series premiere of 'Toddlers and Tiaras' on TLC. If you're not sure what that is, you're lucky. It's a bunch of scary looking five year old pageant kids and their overbearing parents. So think of it this way. I'm probably going to give in and she'll have primary control of the TV (Toddlers and Tiaras). I still want to get in as much football watching as possible, without overshooting the commercials on TLC (which would somehow be my fault), hence the vibrating remote. I could watch my full two minutes of Football and then the remote would tell me when it's time to return to Toddlers and Tiaras. Oh yeah, I'd be living the dream.
So go ahead and steal one (or all) of these ideas if you want. Like I said, just send me a prototype or something. If you've got any inventions that you'd like to share, please post as a comment. I promise I won't steal them...if I won't call the number to submit mine, I doubt I'd submit yours. Unless they're really good.